Summary: Set in season four, this is an attempt to answer the question: what if the Initiative didn't stop at chipping Spike, but also turned him into a woman? Would Spike change and grow from this experience? An exploration of what might happen.
Categories: Season 4, Alternate Reality
Characters: Buffy, Spike, Giles, Willow, Xander, Anya, Harmony, Joyce, Maggie Walsh
Genres: Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort
Warnings: Adult Language, Attempted Suicide, Violence
Completed: No Chapters: 10
Word count: 13,014 Hit Count: 2,958 ePub Downloads: 16
Published: April 08, 2023 Updated: July 09, 2023


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Story Notes: I've altered canon events enough that I feel that this can count as an alternate reality. For one, I've completely cut the Buffy/Parker and Buffy/Riley. I feel like it's unrealistic that she would get with either of them so quickly when she was still getting over Angel. Also, I don't intend for Buffy and Spike to be together romantically at the end, however, they will be friends and the story focuses on their (platonic) relationship. This is for two reasons one, for Buffy, see above, and two, seeing as Spike has just changed biological gender, I think that he would still be exploring his new relationship to gender identity and sexual orientation and wouldn't be ready to jump into a romantic relationship.
 
A note about warnings and rating: There's some minor alcohol use in characters who are of legal drinking age, some (minor) nudity (in the context of Spike discovering the changes to his body) and some minor swearing. I do now plan on including Spike's attempted suicide from season 4, episode 11, warning has been added and rating has been bumped up to R. Violence warning for violence that's about the level that violence is usually portrayed in BtVS canon (so not too graphic, but there will be some violence).
 
I would say 'don't judge me' on the incredibly un-creative title, but I feel like I deserve to be judged for it.
 
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

1. Chapter 1: Something's Wrong by Harlow Turner - Likes: 5 Comments: 4 Word Count: 1,328 Hit Count: 480 Published: April 08, 2023

This is a bit of an experiment, and in all honesty, I'm not quite sure where I want to take this. Please bear with me.

2. Chapter 2: Escape by Harlow Turner - Likes: 4 Comments: 1 Word Count: 1,230 Hit Count: 311 Published: April 09, 2023

3. Chapter 3: Man, I Feel Like a Woman by Harlow Turner - Likes: 3 Comments: 2 Word Count: 1,669 Hit Count: 316 Published: April 12, 2023

Chapter title is from the Shania Twain song "Man, I Feel Like a Woman".

4. Chapter 4: Help Me by Harlow Turner - Likes: 4 Comments: 2 Word Count: 1,240 Hit Count: 313 Published: April 13, 2023

Brief mention of Sparmony in this chapter, but they're not really together as a couple. Basically, Spike goes to Harmony for help, but she's so over him.

5. Chapter 5: From Denial To Anger by Harlow Turner - Likes: 3 Comments: 2 Word Count: 1,369 Hit Count: 272 Published: April 16, 2023

6. Chapter 6: Sad Inside, In This Life by Harlow Turner - Likes: 4 Comments: 2 Word Count: 1,052 Hit Count: 315 Published: April 21, 2023

Warning for attempted suicide occurring in this chapter.

Chapter title is from the song "Are you Satisfied?" by MARINA, it's a great song, I totally recommend giving it a listen.

7. Chapter 7: Girl's Night Out by Harlow Turner - Likes: 4 Comments: 2 Word Count: 1,662 Hit Count: 275 Published: April 25, 2023

Fairly brief depictions of violence in this chapter.

8. Chapter 8: I Lie in Bed, I Hate My Guts by Harlow Turner - Likes: 5 Comments: 2 Word Count: 1,047 Hit Count: 268 Published: May 07, 2023

Chapter title is from the MARINA song, "E.V.O.L.", which is a great song, I highly recommend giving it a listen!

9. Chapter 9: The Shopping Trip by Harlow Turner - Likes: 4 Comments: 2 Word Count: 1,397 Hit Count: 246 Published: May 21, 2023

10. Chapter 10: Piecing Things Together by Harlow Turner - Likes: 3 Comments: 2 Word Count: 1,020 Hit Count: 162 Published: July 09, 2023