Summary: I can’t keep the darkness away. It wants me and I feel like at any moment I’ll let go and be lost forever.
Categories: Season 6, Missing Scene
Characters: Buffy, Spike, Faith Lehane
Genres: Angst, Drama, Fix-It, HEA/HFN, Hurt/Comfort, POV
Warnings: Adult Language, Mental Health Issues, Sexual Situations, Violence
Completed: Yes Chapters: 1
Word count: 3,753 Hit Count: 504 ePub Downloads: 13
Published: April 06, 2023 Updated: April 06, 2023

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Story Notes: I got the idea for this story from a conversation with VeroNyxK84. We were discussing in our comments about how Buffy might have broken up with Spike in S6 because she was worried her feelings were getting too real and she couldn’t let herself fall in love with a soulless demon. This went on to how Buffy saw herself in Spike and was scared by that. I then made a connection between the beating scene in “Dead Things” and the one in “Who Are You?” I decided I wanted to write a little story where Buffy realizes this connection as well and attempts to fix some things.
This is one of those times where I had an idea and just started writing, without plotting anything out. It went off the rails for a bit and I seriously didn’t have any idea where this train was going. I knew the tone I wanted it to have, but that was about it. After I had it two thirds written, I went back and put the whole thing in first person POV and that really helped. It made Buffy’s thoughts and depression a lot more raw, and it helped me see where she was coming from and where she wanted to go. I know that sounds ridiculous, but all you writers out there know that Spuffy have minds of their own and oftentimes don’t give a damn about what we want them to do, haha!
Anyway, it finally came together and I found the title for this when I wrote the very last line. I hope you enjoy it.
Big hugs and enormous thank yous to my beta, Doublemeat Palace.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

1. Chapter 1 by honeygirl51885 - Likes: 13 Comments: 6 Word Count: 3,753 Hit Count: 504 Published: April 06, 2023

Some dialogue taken from BtVS episode 4.16 “Who Are You?” and 6.13 “Dead Things.”