Story Notes: All recognizable characters are the property of Joss Whendon and Mutant Enemy. This story is for entertainment only, no copyright infringement intended. They own the characters, I'm just havivng a little fun with them.
This is my first story on EF. Hope you like it. Let me know what you think. 
You might want to have some milk and cookies handy.
Would You Like Milk With That?

“I don’t know Will...I really like Riley and all, but you know my track record with men. We get INTO bed, and then they check out. Permanently. What if Riley's another Parker?” Buffy fiddled with the hem of her shirt as she confided in her best friend.

“Well, at least we're certain he's not another Angel… I mean, we are certain right?” Willow was suddenly a little less certain. In Sunnydale, and particularly in Buffy's relationships, anything was possible.

Buffy and Willow exchanged a worried glance.

“I'm sure Riley isn't like Angel...and I don't think he's like Parker either. I mean Riley's been nice to me. Polite, interested, sweet.” Buffy smiled thinking of the handsome soldier. Her smile growing as she thought of his very handsome shoulders.

“He really likes you Buffy, I can tell. The way he looks at you...oh, and how nervous he was when he first wanted to talk to you. He was all sweaty palms and cheese.”

“Yeah, Will, what was that with the cheese? You weren't doing some kind of dairy based spell were you?”

“No, definitely not, no spells. Especially love spells.” They grimaced at the memory of the love spell that had the entire female population of Sunnydale chasing after Xander in a mad passion.

“So it was just Riley then...trying to impress me with dairy goodness!” Buffy's open smile returned. “But next time...if he hits you up for advice about what I like, could you tell him chocolate?”

The girls shared a laugh.

“I don't blame you for wanting to go slow Buffy, but give Riley a chance. Don't let a loser like Parker wreck you for relationships. There are still good guys out there.” Willow gave a sad little sigh. Oz was out there somewhere, and he was definitely of the good.

“You're right Will. Gotta go in open minded.” Buffy gave a determined nod.

“Valentine's Day is coming up,” Wilow reminded her, “Maybe a good time to see, you know, how romantic Riley is. If he makes with the chocolate and flowers and not the cave man approach, you'll know he's a keeper!”

“Valentine's Day challenge it is!” Buffy said bravely, her words more optimistic than her expectations.

Willow was happy for Buffy that a nice, smart, buff guy like Riley was interested in her. Buffy deserved some happy. The wounds of Angel and Parker went deep and even Slayer healing couldn’t lessen the pain.


“We're having our quarterly bake sale on Friday,” announced the coven's fund raising chair. “We need everyone to contribute. Chocolate is in high demand, Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Remember all the money we raise is for the “Come Out of the Broom Closet” program for women forced to practice their craft in secret.”

There were nods and “blessed be's” from those gathered in the circle. Willow found the Wicca group to be a little light weight on the magics, but this was definitely a cause worth supporting. She was glad she had understanding friends and didn't have to hide her witchcraft - at least not very often. Plus, she liked baking, so win/win there!

“Buffy, do you think your mom would mind if I sort of borrowed your kitchen for a night? They're doing this bake sale with the Wicca group and...” Willow began with a hopeful look on her face.

“Baking? You mean with cookies and maybe chips?”

“Oh yes, chips, definitely chips,” Willow assured her, “and of course there would be a plateful of cookie gratitude for letting me use your oven...and bowls...and mixer, and...”

“Say no more, the kitchen is officially yours, and I put my vote in now for lots of chips, extra chips even.” Buffy was nearly drooling at the very thought of it. There was nothing better after heavy slayage than milk and cookies, and Willow was a surprisingly good baker.

“Thanks! It's for a really good cause,” Willow added hurriedly.

“Cookies can only ever be for the good!” Buffy was certain of that. “Never had a cookie turn on me.”

Plus, she might get to lick the bowl!


“I really like Buffy,” Riley caught Willow after class. He was nearly wringing his hands in nervousness while he talked to her. “And I think she likes me...but I’m not sure how to get close. She smiles at me but then sort of turns away.” He frowned.

“No, I think Buffy really likes you,” Willow said, hoping she wasn't giving too much away. “She's just, you know...cautious. Buffy is very discerning.”

Riley let out a breath in relief, “Glad to hear it, because you know that Parker guy was saying some pretty ugly things...”

“Parker is a, a stupid baboon,” Willow said angrily, thinking that would actually be a really good spell to put on that louse, a glamour that made everyone see him as a baboon, without him actually BEING a baboon, see how many dates he gets then!

“Yeah, he's a jerk. I'm glad to hear he's not Buffy's type,” Riley said. “Do you think there's something I can do, you let Buffy know I'm well, not a baboon?”

“Or a cave man. Riley whatever you do, do NOT act like a cave man,” Willow warned him. “Um, Buffy really likes chocolate....even more than cheese,” She added helpfully.

“Chocolate, got that, making a mental note,” Riley smiled.

“Come on Riley, you're a psych major. You know about human behavior,” Willow encouraged.

“Human behavior yes...women...not so much,” he admitted. “And I'm pretty sure Buffy is in a league of her own.”

Willow didn't disagree.

“Why don't you try a little romance, you know...let Buffy know how special she is to you.”

“Yeah, hey...I can do that. Romance. Sure.” he looked a little less sure than he sounded.

Willow smiled at him. Her work was done. She hadn’t had to resort to witchcraft and she was helping out a friend!


“You're not baking any of those 'special' brownies, are you Will?” Xander teased, “You know...a little wacky weed for the Wiccas.”

“Chips and nuts only, a big no to the wackiness. People get crazy enough on Valentine's Day.” her brows drew together, then she gave a sad sigh. She wouldn't have a Valentine this year. Oz was gone.

Xander bumped her with his shoulder, “Come on Will...give us a smile. Cupid's not all he's cracked up to be.I mean.. look at Anya,” Xander gave a little shudder. He liked Anya, but he was still a little confused about how they ended up together and not sure Cupid knew what he was doing there.

Willow gave Xander a wan smile,. “Thanks Xander.” Her friends couldn’t fill the empty space left behind by Oz, but they did their best to make sure she didn't fall into it.


“So, have another date with Riley.” Willow was proud that she was partly responsible, having given Riley hope and a few pointers.

“Yeah,” Buffy smiled, “kinda nice. No having to slink around in the shadows like I did with Angel. A normal boyfriend. One point for Buffy!”

“And Riley probably isn't cursed, I mean, he wouldn't lose his soul if you know, got horizontal.”

“I don't think that's going to happen Will.”

“Is there sparkage?” Willow asked.

“I'm not sure Will. Riley’s handsome…and really nice. I know this is going to sound, well, crazy...but...I mean romance is fine, better than fine. But sometimes I like guys who are...more, physical you know? Not that I want to be physical right away with Riley, but it's kind of sad that the only male action I get is from vampires.”

“You like a little rough and tumble?” Willow squeaked, and here she'd just told Riley to take it slow with the physical and play up the romantic.

“It's like, I know I SHOULD want romance. I definitely want someone who's going to stick around. This doesn't make any sense does it?” Buffy bit her lip, “I mean how can a guy know what I want when I don't know what I want?”

“Well, we know you DON'T want a vampire. There's a start,” Willow offered encouragement.

“Or a caveman,” Buffy added.

“And definitely NO baboons.”

“Or hyena.” Buffy shuddered.

“Riley is NONE of those things,” Willow pointed out.

“Sounds like he might be the perfect man,” Buffy said hopefully. She just hoped he wasn't too perfect.


“It smells like heaven in here,” Buffy inhaled greedily. “Maybe I won't go patrolling after all, or I know. I'll patrol here, make sure no one steals any of the cookies...doing my best to support a good cause. Cookie happiness!”

Willow grinned in pride, “I promise I'll save you some.”

“I could help. I mean, what kind of friend just leaves a friend to stay here and slave away in the kitchen all by herself? I could...lick the bowl. You clean up and I could test the chips...before you add them, make sure they are extra chippy...”

“Giles said there was that nest…” Willow reminded her.

“Yeah, yeah....I know.” Buffy frowned, then took another deep breath of cookie heaven. “Bye bye cookies.” She waved at the pan of gooey, warm yummies.

“Cookies, the ultimate happy maker,” Willow said smugly as she began measuring the sugar for a second batch.

Buffy hadn't noticed the blue bottle on the counter beside the vanilla extract. It was a little something extra Willow had brought along. Sure, she would be alone this Valentine's day, but her friends wouldn't!

Xander had been telling her how insatiable Anya was in the sack. Heck Anya had told everyone how insatiable she was in the sack. Xander liked sex as much as the next guy, but what if he had a little boost? Some extra oomph to make Valentine's Day a little more special and very satisfying for him and Anya.

Since Riley was taking care of the romance end, Willow could help him out on the passion end. Make him a little more throwing down with the sexy; pep things up for Buffy.

Love spells were dangerous, oh so dangerous, but this wasn't about love. The affection was already there; this was about the heat, the passion. Surely there was no harm in giving her friends a little sexy recklessness.

Willow had to resist licking the dough off the spoon while she worked. With no partner, she definitely didn't want any extra passion getting into her system. Her plan for Valentine's evening was studying something very boring at the library and leaving the dorm room free for Riley and Buffy.

“Just this one batch,” Willow promised herself. She'd bake these cookies while Buffy was out, then hang onto them until Valentine's Day. Willow tucked them safely away. Then it was on to the brownies!

“You saved me some right?” Buffy rushed in the back door, having returned suspiciously early from patrol.

Willow was rinsing out the mixing bowl, “Yup! A whole plateful just for you and your mom!”

Buffy was already pouring herself a tall glass of milk.

“So, did you clear out that nest?” Willow asked.

“Yeah, no biggie. There was only a few of them and Spike showed up.” Buffy rolled her eyes, “I guess I'm glad for the help...but ever since he found out he could beat on demons, it's like I can't get rid of him.” On the other hand, his help had made it possible for her to hurry home and get cookies while they were still warm.

On cue, the scent of cigarette smoke wafted in the window.

“Like I said, can't get rid of the guy...” Buffy growled, opening the door to the back porch. “What do you want Spike?”

“A little thanks would be nice Slayer, after all...I did you a solid taking out those vamps tonight.” He dropped a cigarette butt and rubbed it out with his boot.

“Thank you Spike,” she said between clenched teeth. Anything that might make him leave sooner.

“Oh, so that's it then?” he sulked.

“Yes that's it, what do you want the Golden Stake Award?” She rolled her eyes.

“Smells right tasty in there.” He jerked his thumb towards the kitchen.

“Buffy who is it?” Willow stepped out onto the porch, “Oh, hi Spike.”

“Red.” He gave a nod.

Buffy stood arms crossed over her chest, “Is there anything else because I really want to get back inside before my cookies get cold.”

Spike raised an eyebrow, “Don't I get a cookie?”

“NO!” Buffy said.

At exactly the same moment Willow said, “Sure! They're still warm.”

Spike grinned, “Least the witch has some manners.”

Willow picked up a cookie and handed it to Spike with a smile, “Sorry we don't have any blood to go with it.”

“You dip your cookies in blood?” Buffy grimaced, “Oh god, I think I'm going to be sick...”

“No, that was Red's idea, I just take ‘em straight, or with a shot of whiskey, you know…wash them down.” Even as a vampire he found the idea of cookies and blood unpleasant.

He took a bite, “Damn good!” he praised Willow, “If the witch gig doesn't work out for you, you could make a go at baking these. Taste better than any nasty potion you mix up.”

“Ok, you got your cookie, now go away Spike!” Buffy said, heading into the house.

Willow handed Spike another cookie, “For the walk home.” His compliment had warmed her up towards him. A vampire with a sweet tooth! Who knew!

“Why thank you. Glad someone appreciates what I do for you all,” he said to Buffy's back.

She was already inside and determined to ignore anything further he had to say. She took her milk and cookies into the living room and turned on the TV. This was perfect post slayage bliss. Stupid Spike, now there were two less cookies for her.


The bake sale was a resounding success, Willow's cookies and brownies sold out in a flash! Spike made a good point; potions had their place, but they rarely tasted good. She was glad she put a smile on so many faces, and gladder still to think of how happy her friends were going to be on Valentine's Day.

Willow stashed the special cookies in her dorm room, out of sight, behind her magic books. Since Buffy avoided books whenever she could, there was no danger of her finding them.


Saturday night, when any normal college girl would have a date, and when Buffy should have been at the Valentine's party Craig hall was hosting, she found herself sloshing through ankle deep water in a cavern behind Shady Acres cemetery.

She wasn't alone, but it hardly counted as a date when the man beside her was the Peroxide Pariah himself, Spike.

A Boffbor demon was in town, just in time for Valentine's day. It had crawled into Sunnydale and camped out near the University to take advantage of the lustfest that would be Valentine's night.

“Boffbor demons draw off sexual energy by sticking their…appendage, into and through a couple in the act of intercourse, essentially creating a sex shish kabob,” Giles explained.

Buffy could not believe she had heard that term coming out of her Watcher's mouth.

“The skewering damages vital organs and is usually fatal, and, as can be imagined, always messy,” Giles continued with a frown.

Anya drove home just how dangerous such a demon could be to her and Xander specifically, since they had a lot of sex.

Giles refused to let Buffy confront the demon without backup. Confident that there was no sexual energy between them, indeed negative sexual energy, Giles deemed Spike to be wisest choice.

They could safely take out the horny demon, with its very horny appendage without setting off said demon’s taste buds. A riled up nookie raptor would doubtless be harder to kill than one who's batteries were running low due to lack of a decent skewering.

“We'll make it quick,” Spike told a rather brassed off Buffy. “I grab it and you lop off its appendage. Think you'd enjoy that Slayer. Take out your man issues on it.”

“I do NOT have man issues,” Buffy growled, testing the heft of a sword she'd pulled from the weapon's wall of the Magic Box. “What do you suggest? Sword or battle axe, just how big is this appendage?”

“Well, they come in a variety of lengths...” Spike leered at her. “And, of course, some are thicker than others...”

“I could test these out on your appendage” She glared. “You know, practice.”

“See, that's what I mean, man issues. All that aggression, Slayer you really need to get some. What's wrong love, your new honey not taking care of business?”

“You know Spike, I'm starting to think taking you along is a great idea. We’ll use you as bait, since your mind is always in the gutter. And while it's busy appendaging you...I'll slay it...Maybe I'll watch first.”

“Kinky Slayer, always knew you had a naughty side.” Spike looked WAY too pleased with himself.

“Can we just go?” She threw Spike a sword. If they took care of this thing quickly, she could catch the end of the party.

Finding the demon was a challenge. Low on juice, it had holed up, conserving the last of its energy to creep out on Valentine's Day and gorge itself for another year.

Spike overheard at Willy’s, that it was crashing in the caves usually inhabited by Grindon trolls. It was their breeding season and the Boffbor hoped to snag a shag to tide it over. The trolls had left the cave in a lusty hurry to have a drink and share their story.

That was how Buffy and Spike found themselves splashing ankle deep through the dim cavern.

“Here demon, demon, demon...” Buffy called, exasperated. They were a quarter mile from the entrance and no sign of the thing.

“Feeds off sex, Slayer, maybe you should talk dirty to it,” Spike suggested with a leer.

She was tempted to say something cutting to him, but he had a point. Love talk was more likely to attract it than the typical acid chatter that passed for conversation between her and Spike.

“Oh Spikey, Big Bad Blondie Bear. Why don't you ravish me right here with your mighty unicorn horn?” she mimicked Harmony, pleased she could goad Spike while still attracting the demon.

Spike cut her a glare. “I'd be more than happy to ravish you if I could pry your priggish pu-”

“Stop right there buster,” Buffy raised her battle axe.

“Truth hurts huh?”

“This is SO not going to work. I'm never going to make it to that party,” she grumbled.

“Maybe if we made less with the love talk and more with the...” He stepped towards here shaking his hips from side to side. “Thing’s unlikely to talk sodden English, but sex sounds the same in every language.”

Buffy's glare stopped him in his tracks.

“Fine Slayer, if you don't want to get friendly with me, you could just, you know…have a little fun with yourself. Get the juices flowing.” He rubbed his hands together.

“OMG, are you saying what I think you're saying?” her face crumpled in disgust.

“Nothing to be ashamed of luv, everyone does it.”

Her stormy but silent stare urged him to rethink. “Or, on the other hand, I could do it...and you could watch.” He shrugged.

Buffy burst into laughter.

“Yeah, like I so want to see that. You know Spike, go ahead. I'll just turn my back and when you're done, I'll be ready to step in before Mr. Appendage does too much after Mr. Appendage his way with you. You know, a catch him in the act thing.”

“You know Slayer, you're no fun at all. No wonder you're so bleedin' tense all the time. Was just trying to have a bit of fun, and well...if it lured Grand Dad out more's the better.”

“I can't believe Giles thought you'd be useful,” Buffy muttered.

“Remember Slayer, sex is the language it understands.” Spike tipped his head towards her.

“So what do you want me to do? Fake an orgasm for it?” Buffy spluttered.

“Not a bad idea, maybe we should get with the grunting.” Spike shrugged. “Might work. Beats sloggin’ around here all night.”

“Sacred duty, chosen one...since when is THIS part of the job description?” Buffy was shaking her head in disbelief.

“What, didn't mention this in the Watcher's diary? Old Rupes seemed to know something about this demon, knows what it's attracted to. Gotta wonder why he sent you out here with me.” Spike was putting on the innocent act, holding his hands up in surrender.

“Ok, count of three...” She glared at Spike. “One, two..”

“Make like you're enjoying it.” Spike nodded at her knowingly. “Don't be afraid to let loose on my account.”



Buffy glared at Spike more pointedly.

He shrugged. “Ladies first love.”

She'd had enough. Buffy threw the axe aside and rushed at him, fists flying.

“You are...You're a pig.” She punched him hard in the face. He stumbled back. “And a...”- round house kick to the gut- “depraved...” Spike rolled out of the way and sprang back to his feet. “And you're ...”

“Insufferable?” he supplied.

“Oh, I AM going to make you suffer...” She made a flying kick for his head, but he ducked out of the way.

“Don't forget handsome and athletic love.” He couldn't fight back or his chip would fire. Dodge and deflect was the best he could do.

Buffy sprang up, grabbed his arm and swung him around. Spike hit the cavern wall face first.

“Now that hurt...” he croaked.

They heard splashing in the distance and looked at each other. “I think it's working.” Buffy said.

“Fighting does sort of sound like sex, what with grunting and gasping,” Spike allowed.

“Good,” Buffy smiled smugly, “now I have an excuse to throw you around even more.” She yanked him back from the wall and sent him into a back flip over her head. He splashed down behind her with a gasp and a groan, as the air was knocked out of him.

“Splashing's getting louder,” he noted, wincing.

Buffy went at him again. Spike threw his hands up in surrender. “You beat me love, have mercy. I'll make any sound you want.” Blood was pouring from his nose.

Buffy jerked her head towards their dropped weapons. He grabbed the sword and tossed her the axe.

“ good, harder baby...yeah, that's it,” Spike mimicked a woman in the throws of passion. “Yes, yes, yes...” his voice rose higher. “That's right...right there...”

Buffy was a little bit disgusted, but mostly amused. “Now grunt a little,” she said in a stage whisper.

“Oh yeah baby.” Spike was using a man's voice now, but not his own. “Uh, uh, uh, that the way you like it....uh uh Uhhhhh...” he finished with a deep guttural groan.

As if on cue, the demon sloshed and staggered into view.

“Least he let me finish, gets credit for that.” Spike winked at Buffy. “Don't know which of us he'll go for first.”

“Giles says he likes to catch people in the act,” Buffy said. “Hey, we're losing his attention...grunt some more.”

“You could do YOUR bit...not exactly a man's job,” Spike growled. “Maybe we should get know...two headed beast and all.”

“Ok, but BACK to BACK. There will be no...ANYTHING,” she hissed at him.

“Course back to back. Weapons out and what not.” Spike pressed up against Buffy “Uh Uh soooo good.” His ass bumped against hers.

Buffy clenched her teeth, he didn't need to ACT it out too did he?

“Come on luv,” Spike encouraged her. “Just a little bit more...almost there,” he teased.

“Oh...oh...oh...yeah, uh huh, uh huh...ooooh yeah…don't stop…” Buffy did her bit.

“Bravo Slayer, didn't know you had it in you!” he purred. “Just a little more baby...he's almost in reach.”

“Yeah...don't stop, don't stop.” Buffy said breathily. “uh huh, uh huh, uh huh...”

Turned out he demon had several appendages. Six large, fleshy ones were dragging it forward on suction cups.

“What are we supposed to cut off?” Buffy asked Spike. “Which one of those is its THING?”

“Not sure love...Think those three at the top are eyes not sure about those two longer ones.”

“Uh, yeah, yeah...uh huh...” Buffy huffed loudly. All the appendages swung towards them.

“Yeah, that's right, come on baby...keep coming, come for me...” Spike panted encouragingly as the demon squished and splashed its way closer.

“I thought there was supposed to be know APPENDAGE.” Buffy hissed to Spike.

“Well, none of the ones I see look like they could skewer....”

“OMG.” Buffy paled as a nasty extension of flesh corkscrewed up from what she guessed was the creature’s head. “I mean, ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod...” she kept up the ruse.

“When I say now...” Spike hissed to her.

Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh...” she agreed.

The twisted organ began to unfurl, stretching towards them, a horn visible at the tip.

“OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD” panted Buffy very convincingly, fear and sex sounded shockingly similar.

“Yeah love, that's right, come on, come on, come on.” Spike encouraged, luring the beast nearer. “Press against me Slayer, much as you can.” He shoved back against her. Buffy pressed into him.

“That's right baby, just like that...come on, come on...” Spike saw the appendage draw back ever so slightly, like an arm winding for a punch. “Here it comes, here it comes...NOW!” he shouted as the shaft surged towards them.

Spike dove at the same time thrusting his sword upwards. Buffy was already swinging the battle axe in an arc over her head and then down where a moment ago their bodies had been pressed together.

Spike impaled the appendage. Buffy made several more swings slicing the organ to shreds.

“Oh yeah! THAT'S how it's done baby,” Spike roared. “Seriously Slayer, you're a bleedin’ man eater. Made my naughties shrivel right up watching you swing that thing,” Spike complimented her.

At least she thought it was a compliment.

“You were very convincing Spike,” she offered back.

“Easy when you got the right partner,” he grinned “That was bloody brilliant.”

Buffy grinned too, pretty impressed with their night's work. She offered Spike a hand up but he shook his head and popped to his feet by himself.

“I'd make the two headed beast with you any day,” he said merrily.

“Now would be a good time to shut it,” she suggested.

“Come on baby...I know it was good for you too.” He nudged her with his shoulder. “You sounded right pretty in there love, soldier boy's one lucky bloke.”

“I'll carry that.” He reached for her weapon, with sword in one hand and axe in the other he strode along whistling.

“Are you always this chipper after...slaying things?”

“Slaying, shagging...both a right good time. Makes a bloke glad to be alive.”

“Makes me hungry,” Buffy admitted.

“Yeah, that too.”

Buffy wasn’t wild about Spike’s whistling, but it was better than him talking. When they arrived at the dorm Buffy moved to take the weapons from him, “Thanks...”

“What? You're not going to invite me in?” he asked, affronted. “After all we've been through tonight.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “One night stand buster.”

“You're just going to go strolling in there looking like that?” He motioned to her demon splattered clothes. “With these weapons...” He sniffed at her, and deftly hid the weapons under his coat.

Buffy's mouth twisted, he had a point. It probably was better to let him bring them in under concealment. She didn't usually keep big weapons in her dorm room but neither of them had wanted to walk all the way back to the Magic Box to return them.

“Come on in Spike,” she blew out a breath and admitted defeat.

“Why thank you, think I will...feeling a bit peckish, maybe you'll give a fellow something to eat,” he said following her inside.

“Sorry, fresh out of blood and I don't have any cheap whiskey either,” she said with mock regret.

“Probably got some of that girly cupcake flavored vodka,” he snorted. “pineapple rum or other such rot...”

“I liked you better when you were whistling,” she informed him.

“And I liked you better when you were...” he waggled his eyebrows at her.

Buffy was muttering to herself as she unlocked the door to her room and let them in.

Spike set the weapons against the bed. He gazed around the place and shrugged. Willow's side looked like the Magic Box and Buffy's side was boring, like her room at home. No surprises there.

“Mmmm” Spike closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath.

“Mmmm, what?” Buffy asked, shutting the door behind her and moving to shove the weapons under her bed.

“Don't you smell that?” he looked at her in disbelief.

“All I smell is demon blood, or demon...semen.” She shuddered.

“No, not that, cookies. Red's brilliant cookies. Just right after a night's slaying,” Spike said with a determined nod.

“Hate to break it to you Blondie, but I finished the last of the cookies yesterday. All you're smelling are the crumbs of my satisfaction.” Then she frowned, REALLY shouldn't be using words like satisfaction around Spike, not tonight.

“Crumbs indeed....”

“Look, you can check the fridge. See anything you want, it's yours. I'm going to hit the shower because I am NOT showing up at the party looking and SMELLING like this.”

“Like sex you mean?” Spike said. He was already squatting in front of the open fridge.

“Ewww...and...well, yes I guess so.” She grabbed a towel and her shower caddy.

“If you need help....” he offered.

“And ewwww again.”

Spike waited for her to leave. “Don't mind if I do…have a bit of a look around the place...” He KNEW he smelled cookies. Spike closed his eyes, emptied his mind, drew in a deep breath then concentrated....COOKIES.

He waited a few seconds before smile spread across his face. “And the winner is...” He went straight to Willow's book shelf and there, behind the musty dusty volumes were two sealed baggies of heart shaped cookies. One marked Xander, the other marked Buffy.

“Don't mind if I do...” Spike helped himself to the Buffy bag and tucked the other back.

He stuffed the cookie into his mouth and rifled through the girls’ closets. He didn't fancy smelling like demon sex for the rest of the night either. Surely they must have a sweat shirt or something one of their boys had left behind.

“Bollocks...” Spike growled. He stripped, grabbed a towel and headed to the shower. He'd nick clothes from some bloke or another.

Spike enjoyed that shower. The hot water was a welcome change from his icy trickle of a tap at the cemetery.

Still…“Maybe should have taken a cold shower,” he thought to himself. He was feeling a bit aroused.

He snatched a pair of sweat pants hanging over a shower stall, and wearing only the towel went back to Buffy's room. The door was locked.

Knock, knock “Slayer?” knock knock “Guess she's still washing up.” Spike leaned up against the wall and eyed the many attractive girls all dressed up for Saturday night. Very nice. Very nice indeed.

He winked at a few, purred at another, and let out a low wolf whistle to one who was looking especially...

“OMG Spike, what are you doing?!” Buffy hissed when she saw him in nothing but a towel, standing at HER door.

“Ho, Slayer, thought you'd never get back.” He eyed her up and down. She had thrown on a tank and yoga pants.

“All that time and THIS is the result? Would have thought you'd be done up like the Queen of Sheba for all the time you took in there,” he growled as Buffy fumbled with the door. “On the other hand, you do smell quite a bit better”

“You took a shower,” she noticed, then saw the pants hanging over his arm. “and stole someone's clothes. Yey, half naked thief seen entering Buffy's room, that will do wonders for my reputation. As if people don't already think I'm crazy...”

“Open the door, you'll feel loads better, Old Spike's found a bit of a treat for us.” He patted her on the bum as she opened the door.

Buffy squeaked. Spike smiled.

“God Spike...I don't want any treat from YOU,” Sshe closed the door. “And would you put some clothes on?”

“Well, look at prissy prudence.” He rolled his eyes.

Buffy was looking at something. She had never seen this much of Spike. Not nearly this much of Spike. Sure, she knew he had nice arms, firm

“Slayer...” he called her attention away from his chest and abs. “Looky, looky. HERE.” He was holding a bag of cookies. “They even have your name on them. Told you I smelled cookies.”

“Oooooo...gimme gimme.” Buffy broke into a greedy smile. “Please let me have milk, please let me have milk.” She checked the fridge. “MILK!” Buffy did a happy dance, grabbed the carton then lunged at Spike, “Give me those.”

He hopped back, “Now now Slayer...all you had to do was ask nicely.” Buffy's hand had reached out to grab the cookies but snagged Spike’s towel instead. Down it went.

She was standing only inches away from him, looking straight into his face. Gulp. She would NOT look down. She would NOT LOOK DOWN. Get the cookies, retreat to the far side of the room. Hide in a blanket fort. Do not look at Spike's...oh dear....

Buffy noticed Spike gulped too. He was no shrinking violet, but he respected Buffy's strength and hatred of him enough to know he might be in a LOT of trouble right now.

“I believe these are yours,” he said, dropping the bag of cookies into Buffy's hand.

Careful NOT to look down, Buffy snatched the cookies and turned around.

Spike gave a sigh of relief, and then a groan of discontent as he saw Buffy's butt wiggling to the far side of the bed.

Spike forgot himself, enjoying the scenery, as it were.

“I'm closing my eyes for 20 seconds Spike.” Buffy said in a menacing growl and when I open them you'd better have clothes on.”


Buffy multi-tasked, stuffing cookies into her mouth as she counted...12,13,14. She took a few chugs of milk...17, 18, 19, 20.

“OK, Slayer, safe for your virgin eyes,” he assured her. He'd replaced the towel with sweat pants, but his gorgeous swathe of chest was just as gorgeous and swathy as it had been half a minute earlier.

“Give here.” He came over and made a grab for the cookies.

“MY name on the bag, not yours Spike.” Buffy held the bag to her chest and took a gulp of milk.

Spike gave a low laugh, “Slayer, you look right fetching with a mustache.”

Buffy swiped her hand across her mouth, leaving a streak of softened chocolate chip on the side of her jaw.

“Wait,” Spike leaned in, “you've got…” He motioned to her cheek, but instead of waiting for Buffy to wipe the chocolate away, he leaned in and licked her.

“OMG Spike! That's so...gro....oh...mmm...” A zing went through her. “Um, thanks...I think.” She felt a little dizzy.

“You know what Slayer? I think we should heat things up a little…” His eyebrow lifted with suggestion.

“You mean?”

“Mmmm hmmm...” He took the cookies away from her and walked over to the
microwave. “What do you think? 20 seconds sound about right?”

Red's cookies were good any way they could get them, but warm and gooey, they were out of this world.

“Spike, you are a genius.” Buffy shivered with delight. The smell of warm cookies was already spreading through the room. She felt a thrill go through her, not unlike the thrill of seeing Spike's very nice naked chest when she'd first returned to her room.

Then he was back, naked chest and all, and best of all, he was carrying a Hello Kitty plate of warm, gooey, chunks of heaven.

“You do have something to drink love?” Spike asked hopefully. Buffy reached for a cookie, impatient with any distraction. “Up there.” She motioned to a shelf, and as Spike had feared, it was girly vodka, whipped cream flavored.

“Might go with cookies.” he shrugged.

Buffy was huddled in the corner, legs gathered up, cookie plate perched on her knees, trusty carton of milk by her side.

Her eyelids fluttered shut as her lips closed over sweet chewy goodness. She let out a gasp of pleasure that would have had any Boffbor demon banging on her door in a heated passion.

“These are sooo...”

“Damn right they are.” Spike said breathily, crawling across the bed and snatching at a heart shaped treat. He lay back and took a bite. “Sooo...good.”

“And now that they're warm...” Buffy's chest was heaving.

“Soooo warm...” Spike murmured.

“Spike?” Buffy said, sounding suddenly sober, “Do you think?”

“Don't talk love, not now...kills the mood.” He put his finger over her lips.

The offending finger was in the way of cookies entering Buffy's mouth. It had to get gone. NOW. Buffy nipped the tip of it, sending a charge of electricity straight to Spike's appendage.

“Now, now Slayer. No need to get...nasty...” He trailed the finger down her neck to her chest, bare and exposed above her tank top. “Oops, crumbs.” His head fell as he picked each and every one up with his lips, kissing his way across her chest. His tongue flicked out and dipped into her cleavage to retrieve an errant crumb. Buffy shivered.

“Don't want any of them to go to waste,” he said, his breath tickling across her skin, still damp from kisses.

“You're sure you didn't miss any?” she asked hopefully, running her fingers through Spike's damp hair. “It would be a sin to waste.”

“Mmm...Let me check.” He nosed her breasts. “My vamp senses no more crumbs, but definitely something milky sweet.” His hand slid up over her breast.

“Milk... oh, milk!” Buffy picked up the carton and chugged.

Spike sat up slightly confused. He shrugged and took a few swigs of whipped cream vodka. It mingled with the flavor of the cookies, heat slipping down his throat. He admired Buffy's throat, long and lean, her head thrown back in abandon as she gulped the cold liquid.

“Damn near perfect.” he murmured.

“Got that right.” Buffy smirked. She broke apart another cookie, dropped one chunk into her mouth and another into Spike's eager upturned one. They shared groan of ecstasy.

All was quiet but for the gentle smacking of lips and the burble of chewing and swallowing.

“You know Spike, we really did a bang up job tonight,” Buffy said in a dreamy tone, “I mean…it was pretty hard...but we pushed on through”

“Kept at it till we got the job done,” he agreed.

“All that huffing...and groaning...” Buffy said, looking into Spike's eyes, running both her hands through his hair. She had never realized his hair was so curly, or his ears so sexy.

“And gasping and whimpering,” he recalled, sliding his hand up her thigh.

Buffy let out a stuttering hiss.

“Yeah, love, just like that.”

“Wow know I just...” she said.

“Yeah, me too.” Spike pulled her into a kiss, the cold milk on her tongue mingling with the whipped cream vodka on his own. “Mmmm.” they moaned together.

Buffy tried, unsuccessfully, to slide down beside him without breaking the kiss.

“Wait!” she shoved the empty milk carton away, and lifted the cookie plate out of danger. Spike reached for one.

“Eh eh.” Buffy chastened. She snatched the plate away from his grasping hand.

“Spike!” Buffy said sharply.


“Slide over so I have a place to put these...down” The words chattered out of her mouth. Down was where his hand was moving.

Spike lifted the plate from her hand and laid it gently beside him on the bed. He roughly tugged Buffy down on his other side.

“One part of me is definitely thinking up, love,” he murmured into her hair.

Buffy rolled toward him, her arm moving as if to wrap around him, but she was only reaching for a cookie.”

“Not so fast pet...” he nipped at her arm. “Time to pay toll....”

“As in Tollhouse?” she teased. She pressed a bite of warm cookie into his mouth. Spike caught her finger tips in his teeth.

“Hard to believe, these sweet...warm...fingers...can kill and slay,” he marveled as he nipped and licked them.

“Oh, these fingers.” She marched them down his chest. “Can do all sorts of things”

Bang Bang Bang “Hey!” came an angry voice. “Hey, did you swipe my pants? Someone said the guy went in here.”

“What the...” Spike half sat up.

“Go away.” Buffy said, “We're busy.”

“I know you're in there. Give me my pants or I'm calling security AND kicking your ass.”

“Ignore him.” Buffy said.

Bang Bang “I mean it.”

“He's not going to leave. Let me give him the sodden pants.” Spike grumbled pulling away.

Bang bang

“Wait a bloody minute mate, you can have your damned pants.” Spike growled.

“We don't need them anyway.” Buffy huffed.

Spike tore off the pants, opened the door and shoved them through.

“Now sod off.” He closed the door with a bang.

Turning back, his eyes drank in the sight of her. She was beautiful, her damp hair a mess around her head, crumbs at the corners of her mouth, chocolate on her finger tips and no pants.

“I took them off in solidarity,” she said lowering her lids.

Spike drew in a shocked but very happy breath. Three cheers for solidarity!

He slithered back into bed.

“Slaying makes me SOOO hungry. Insatiable,” Buffy confessed, nibbling Spike's earlobe.

“Makes me horny pet.” Spike ran his hands up her arms, pulling her closer.

“Yeah. I sort of noticed.” Her hand was slipping down, down, down towards his… appendage.

Buffy sat up and smiled at the sight of Spike laid out on her bed. She licked her lips and the words poured out of her, “Has anyone ever told you your skin looks just… like… milk.” She leaned in and lapped at his nipple. Her tongue wandered over his pecs and then down the hollow between them. “Yumm...”

“Oh,” he begged. “Give me another cookie.”

“Well aren't you ravenous?” She dropped a morsel into his mouth then crumbled some cookie over his chest. Spike watched, mesmerized, as she grabbed the vodka bottle and trickled a stream down his chest till it pooled in his belly button. It felt cool, then warm, then very, very warm as the Slayer proceeded to nibble her way down the length of his chest before sipping the vodka from his navel.

He groaned deeply, mocking even his best efforts in the cave. Buffy's face was shockingly, wonderfully near to his...appendage. She smelled like cookies and damn...her hand swept down his body; her hair tickled over his abdomen.

“Ooo, Spike has a stake,” Buffy said in delight.

“It's for you Slayer. Does its best work when it's in your hands,” he said hopefully.

“Still thirsty...” Buffy said. She dribbled more vodka over his chest and belly and slurped her way over him, lapping it up.

“You know Slayer, if you'd like... just kill me now...Let me die happy...” He knew he must be dreaming.

“No, no vampire dust in my bed.” She clucked her tongue at him.

“No dust, promise, no dust...just some cookie crumbs,” he groaned again as her hand wrapped firmly around his stake.

Spike began tugging at her shirt. “Time for more solidarity,” he told her.

“We must stand together.” Buffy agreed, raising her arms so he could pull her tank over her head. “then lie back down together.”

“I don't sodden care what we do, as long as we do it together,” he growled.

“And it involves cookies,” Buffy added.

“Musn’t forget the cookies,” he agreed.

Buffy shut him up with another cookie coated kiss, warm and sweet. Spike pulled her down towards him. The cookie plate tumbled.

“Hello kitty!” Buffy whimpered, reaching for it.

“Hello kitty indeed.” Spike slipped his hand down towards her soft, warm...

“Spike, the cookies...”

“Some places better not to get crumbs love.” His lips nuzzled her ear while his fingers nuzzled her nether regions.

“Holy crap Spike...” Buffy pressed against him. “That'”

“Mmm love...what if we just...” He rearranged their bodies. “Yes....that's better...”

For a while the only sound was the rhythmic squeaking of the bed springs. Then Buffy said. “This is waaay better than that back to back thing.”

“ work a little better when...Oh god yes. When you do that...Buffy love...keep doing that.”

“You mean this?....Or this?”

“Oh, that's nice too...”

Buffy crawled up on top of him and settled herself comfortably on his appendage. “You know Spike, I don't understand why you try so hard to be a pain in my ass...when you could be...” She wiggled her hips. ”A cookie in my bed.”

“Don't know love, don't know what I've been thinking.” At this point he didn't even know his own name. For the life of him he couldn't think of a single reason why he would ever want to annoy this goddess...this...this... “Oh Buffy...”

“I don't think I've been using you to your full potential,” Buffy realized with a gasp. “You possess qualities...On hell yes...that Giles and the that again…never even dreamed of....uh huh, uh huh,”

“Buffy, pet....don't mention the Watcher again, yeh?” His fingers were digging into her hips, pulling her closer,so he could plunge in deeper.

“Spike, I really like patrolling with you, because I like the way you, way you...kill things...”

“Yeah Slayer...and I like sodden hot you are...God Buffy why haven't we ever done this before?”

“Something in the Watcher diaries about not...eating…vampires. That reminds me, you want?”


Buffy leaned over, picked up a cookie, split it and gave him half. They chewed contentedly.

“You look right pretty this way Slayer,” he noticed.

“ hair is all...”

“Curly?” he said, dipping his fingers into her pubic curls.

“Look who's talking about curly,” she teased, tousling his platinum curls. “It's a good look on you...I'd like to see it more often.”

“It's my after-hours only look, love.” He thrust up deeper inside her.

They both sighed.

“Buffy, do you mind if I...” He made like he was going to sit up.

She got off of him. “You ok?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to...”

“Ohhhhh…yeah...that's fine...that's”

“I think that last cookie was just the energy we needed for...” he purred into her neck as she bucked up back against him.

“Yes...just what we needed...God Spike you're like some crazy cookie powered love machine,” she laughed.

“You haven't had the best of it...” he assured her, nipping her shoulder and, fingering her nipple, before he slid his hand over her hip and thrust in again.


“Yeah love?”

“You know those noises I was making in the cavern....oh hell yes...” she muttered.


“I was faking it...” Her breath was coming in gasps punctuated by moans.

“Uh huh...” he thrust in again.

“I'm not faking it now...” Then she let out a stream of melodic sounds that would have made a Boffbor demon blush.


Willow let herself into the room at 1 AM, slightly tipsy from jello shots. She was startled by what she saw....Buffy and Spike, naked and tangled on the bed, chocolate smeared on their fingers and faces, a broken Hello Kitty plate and an empty milk carton strewn on the rug, the incriminating plastic baggie on top of the microwave. And crumbs...crumbs everywhere.

“Oh Buffy...” Willow put her hand to her mouth when she realized what happened. “Buffy no...”

“Willlow?” Buffy mumbled from the bed.

“Yes Buffy, I'm here...”

“Willow...we're out of milk.”


Chapter End Notes:

Hope you enjoyed it! 

Cryptwarmer is the author of 10 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 30 members. Members who marked Do You Want Milk With That? as a favorite also favorited 3738 other stories.

Please log in or register to comment.