Comments For Gray
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syndyloo commented on Chapter 1 on September 27, 2022 05:36pm

Thank you so much for this story.  It’s the first I’ve read from you and now have to read all of your work.  You captured both Spike and Buffy perfectly and you had me crying, laughing and all emotions in between while reading. ’’

Author's Response on September 27, 2022 05:43pm

heartsbow

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syndyloo commented on Chapter 1 on September 27, 2022 05:33pm Liked

Thank you so much for this story.  It’s the first I’ve read from you and now have to read all of your work.  You captured both Spike and Buffy perfectly and you had me crying, laughing and all emotions in between while reading. ’’

Author's Response on September 27, 2022 05:34pm

Aw! That is just the loveliest thing to hear. Thanks so much! I hope you enjoy the others just as much! Gray's so special to me. It was quite the ride. heart

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Teuntje1985 commented on Epilogue on August 05, 2022 04:14pm Liked

I really enjoy all of your stories. This one was quite a ride. Thanks for sharing you are such a varied writer (hope varied is the right word, English is not my native language). Which story do you refer to in the end notes of chapter 41?

Author's Response on August 05, 2022 04:24pm

Aw thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed this one!

That makes total sense and I really appreciate it. 

I was referring to The Fairytale which is what I wrote after this one ❤️

Thanks for commenting!

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spuffy forever commented on Epilogue on July 28, 2022 09:06pm Liked

The beginning of your story was hard to read with Angelus raping Buffy and destroying their happy wedding. Astonishing that it was Spike’s friendship that triggered the loss of his soul.

I loved their cabin in the woods and how their environment helped them to heal. Happy they love their baby boy, I like the nom Gray and what a nice surprise their girl Clara. What a happy family. 
I like the tradition to celebrate Christmas in their cabin

Author's Response on July 28, 2022 09:14pm

Thank you for all those thoughts! The beginning was definitely hard to read/write. I hope the rest of the story was as cathartic for you as it was for Buffy and Spike!

Really appreciate you reading heart

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EvieConn commented on Epilogue on July 19, 2022 08:05pm Liked

So good! Just so, so good! It’s been a while since a tale hooked me in but this one did so, so beautifully! An absolute joy xx

Author's Response on July 19, 2022 09:03pm

Aw how nice! Thank you! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. This one will always be so special to me.

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Aunt Bea commented on Chapter 1 on July 12, 2022 12:57am Liked

Love your stories in particular, especially your sense of humor. Very entertaining. Keep writing please!

Author's Response on July 12, 2022 01:13am

Well, thank you so much! Encouragement like that always helps! heart

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Countess Von Fingerbang commented on Epilogue on July 08, 2022 06:42am Liked

This was wonderful, truly. I’m glad you took the leap and decided to share this story, difficult topic and all. Thank you. ❤️

Author's Response on July 10, 2022 01:58pm

Thank you so much! I really appreciate that heart

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sassafrass commented on Epilogue on June 09, 2022 02:58am Liked

This story was so incredibly spectacular I didn’t want it to end. You must know that you are an incredibly special and talented writer. Every single sentence, every chapter was a pleasure to read. 

The birth scene was especially touching. I have felt incredibly dissatisfied in other stories— honestly believing that Buffy is so strong and so capable and her relationship with Spike is so primal, I knew that shed rock a natural birth. That it was un/partner assisted and orgasmic was the cherry on top! 

Reading books like Ina Mays Guide to Childbirth and Spiritual Midwifery were staples of my birthing years and though I tried desperately to birth naturally I ended up with four emergency cesareans, two miscarriages and a full term stillbirth. I still love and believe in natural birth so much and the visceral way that you wrote that scene had me in tears. It was the birth that I have always dreamed of and reading that scene made me ache to try again, to get those years back. But i was glad that it was Buffy’s birth experience, I don’t know how but it made me feel like i got to have it too, if in no way but vicariously. That your words would have such an affect tells the tale, really, of what an incredible story teller you are.

who is grays father? Does it matter? Does it not? It certainly doesn’t to them and that is truly all that matters, I however was curious. When Buffy flashed back to the night before the wedding and that she made such a big deal about no sex before and then caved… made me wonder if potentially his sperm was still inside of her and after the ceremony it came alive and fertilized her egg before angels had a chance to. 

I also wondered about the drink that her and spike both drank at the ceremony, because angel did not partake doesn’t that mean that spike is still the only viable option?

But then there’s a little part of me that kinda wants gray to be angels. Maybe he is kinda all of theirs and that’s what makes him so special. I was a little annoyed you didn’t say but after sleeping on it, I truly feel like you made the best call. And that it truly doesn’t matter.

something I was still curious about… did we figure out that Buffy just grows babies more quickly because of her slayerness? Did she deliver Clara so early too? Did she have another natural, unassisted birth? 

I am going to miss this universe deeply. You wrote it all to perfection. I laughed, I cried, my chest hurt, my body tingled— I haven’t read something as splendid in quite sometime. Thank you for sharing your talent with us. Thank you for capturing our favorite characters so well. Brava. ❤️❤️

Author's Response on June 14, 2022 06:23pm

I read this comment the night before I had to go out of town for a while. I was driving home yesterday (11 hours ha) and at one point your comment popped back into my brain and it was just heartwarming all over again. You just very much struck me with your own birth experiences. I know how powerful that experience can be and what you've gone through sounds beyond harrowing. I can't express how wonderful it is that something I wrote would help you feel like you got a taste of the experience you wanted most. That just blows my mind a little.

This story definitely affected people on a deeper level than any of my other ones have, and I'm so thankful for that. I knew it wouldn't be a super popular fic because it's pretty dark! But it's just awesome how it has really resonated with some people.

I don't know who the father is! I truly never decided. I did throw in those little things like the sex the night before and Gray's varying Angel and William traits so that it would be clear that... it's not clear! Anything's possible. I think I lean a TEENSY bit toward it being Angel's, but I don't particularly care either way and I don't think they do either.

The drink, though, only Buffy drank! I was definitely trying to emphasize that she's the one this ritual affected, not THEM.

Yes, the quick-growing babies thing just seemed like a slayer bonus and allowed me to have this unexpectedly quick birth that would keep them in the cabin for a more intimate and weird birth wink

You're so very sweet. Thank you for taking the time to tell me all this. It means a whole lot. Thank you thank you and I hope I hear from you again if you ever read anything else I write! heart

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loveisntbrains_ commented on Epilogue on May 06, 2022 10:25am Liked

I’m literally in love with everything you write. The angst in your fics always makes me stop breathing ‘till the end, but God, the HEA tastes so good.


This fic was painful to go through sometimes, it made me cry, and laugh so hard in some little unexpected moments. The way you perfectly embraced their power together, not just against “the monster of the week”, but against something worst and deeper.


heart

Author's Response on May 06, 2022 12:58pm

Oh I love this simpatico thing we have going because I love all the videos you make so much! Your inspiration feeds my inspiration etc etc etc. I truly do turn to video edits to inspire me when I'm feeling stuck on my writing.

Anyway, I'm so happy you enjoyed Gray! This fic is so special. I loved established Spuffy having a real challenge to overcome together. I love writing them established and together, but it just devolves into fluff so easily and that can only go on for so long before I get bored. I needed a HUGE GINORMOUS problem and it doesn't get more horrific than this! But overcoming something so terrible is what's so satisfying in the end.

Thank you, thank you for the kind words, love. They always mean a lot! heart

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Harmony_in_Motion commented on Chapter 31 on March 17, 2022 03:40pm Liked



Author's Response on March 17, 2022 07:18pm

popcorn

Harmony_in_Motion Replied on March 29, 2022 06:50pm

Oh my goodness, how embarrassing. Thank for the response though!

Author's Response on March 29, 2022 07:41pm

Haha zero worries!

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Harmony_in_Motion commented on Chapter 27 on March 17, 2022 08:37am Liked



Author's Response on March 17, 2022 07:18pm

Not sure if you meant to type something, but... hi!

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123Sonja commented on Chapter 24 on March 05, 2022 03:45pm Liked

Author's Response on March 07, 2022 06:55pm

popcorn

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123Sonja commented on Chapter 11 on March 04, 2022 01:06pm

Author's Response on March 07, 2022 06:55pm

squee

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nmcil commented on Chapter 2 on March 03, 2022 03:25pm Liked

 So beautiful and romantic and great fun treatment of both.  Great contrast to the powerful start.

Author's Response on March 03, 2022 02:32pm

I'm so glad you liked it! Hope you enjoy the ride heart

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123Sonja commented on Chapter 7 on March 03, 2022 12:10pm Liked

Author's Response on March 03, 2022 09:52am

sleep

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123Sonja commented on Chapter 5 on March 03, 2022 11:31am Liked

Author's Response on March 03, 2022 09:52am

yay

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hetpuma commented on Epilogue on February 06, 2022 04:39am

Easily one of my very favourites! This was a fantastic example of a well done sexual assault story. I'll confess I wanted nothing to do with any rape/non-con tags but I'm happy I gave this one a read. It can sadly say from experience it captured a lot of the emotions that go behind survivors of sexual assault. 

Author's Response on February 07, 2022 07:34pm

Thank you so so much. That's really gratifying to hear. I'm so thankful you trusted me enough to give this story a try and that it held up. Thanks for letting me know! heart

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Cheerios789 commented on Epilogue on January 30, 2022 09:04pm Liked

Wow, what a rough and beautiful ride.  I really appreciated all of it, even the "weird" birth bit.  I'm never having children so its always very interesting and vicarious to read about someone's experience.  Honestly the whole story felt very personal for me, as tmi but I had a similar beginning as Gray.  While I've never had anything but compassion for my mother, this story really made my heart hurt for her more.  Thank you for keeping ambiguity of Gray's origin there and also for fully exploring the healing process.  And just thank you for sharing this story.

Author's Response on February 01, 2022 10:22am

I've had two, but I still find it interesting to hear about other people's birth experiences. It's just one of the wildest things humans do. And I love writing about it because it's so inherently powerful and emotional for everyone involved.

I'm so struck by your comment because I've never considered this story from that perspective! It's a really powerful thing and I'm just thankful that you appreciated it in light of that connection.

Keeping Gray's paternity ambiguous was always so important. Ambiguity is why the story was called Gray to begin with so it just felt right to never settle on that and for it to not matter at all. I thought people might be a little upset about that, honestly. We tend to just want answers! But the comments about it have been positive! Which is just awesome.

Thank you for this comment! It's one I will remember! heart

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ammun commented on Epilogue on January 30, 2022 08:51am Liked

Sequel, pleaaaaase

Author's Response on February 01, 2022 10:12am

Maaaaybe one day wink

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Passion4Spike commented on Epilogue on January 30, 2022 06:49am Liked

Awwww just lovely!  I do still wonder why Gray was so early and yet full term,  but some mystery is always good.  Wonderful story. Thanks for not giving up on it or getting talked out of it. 

applausehughearts

Author's Response on February 01, 2022 10:12am

I'm so glad you enjoyed the story! I enjoyed your comments all throughout. Thank you for taking the time to leave them! heart

Passion4Spike Replied on February 01, 2022 11:14am

Absolutely my pleasure to leave them. Sorry they aren't 'Pifferpack quality' , but I know even short comments are way better than none!  I headcanoned that Willow did *something* (as she is wont to do) while practicing or researching that spell and it made Buffy fertile BEFORE the wedding and thus, Gray is 100% Spike's (a mini William).  Don't bother trying to talk me out of that. 🤣

Lovely story! Thanks again for bringing it to life!

hearts

Author's Response on February 01, 2022 11:20am

Hahah I will not bother! I honestly love that everyone came away from this story with their own theories about Gray. It's exactly what I wanted!

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Passion4Spike commented on Chapter 39 on January 30, 2022 06:14am Liked

I thoroughly enjoyed this birthing experience!  Absolutely one of the best I've read. Please tell me you didn't have your baby with just you and your partner snowed in at home! That would be pretty terrifying. 

Yay for baby Summers!  And being so early....hmmmm... why do I think there might be some reason for that?

hug

Author's Response on February 01, 2022 10:11am

Yay! I'm so glad you liked it! Hahah no, we had a midwife with us. It was out of hospital, but that was by choice, so it wasn't scary at all!

Honestly, I just thought "well babies come early sometimes and a slayer with super healing might super speedily grow a baby" and it wasn't any more reason than that. I just wanted it to be a surprise for them when it came so they'd be trapped in that cabin and have to do it together.

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Passion4Spike commented on Chapter 38 on January 30, 2022 05:51am Liked

I absolutely loved Spike's poem about the baby. Just lovely,  and like Buffy,  I can't read his journal without crying. 

weephearts

Author's Response on February 01, 2022 10:09am

I loved that poem, too! Probably my favorite Spike poem I've ever written (and I'm really adding them up now haha).

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Passion4Spike commented on Chapter 33 on January 29, 2022 05:22am Liked

She packed her pain down deep and buried it with cold layers of heavy stone and he’d patiently chisel it away like an artist. A piece at a time breaking off in sharp, brittle fragments until the dam finally broke. Then she unleashed and the water swarmed them, swept them away— dangerous and powerful

I really love this whole analogy,  it's beautiful and so very accurate.  

Wonderful chapter.  So lovely that they're connecting again, not just bodies but hearts and minds.

hearts

Author's Response on February 01, 2022 10:08am

Sigh. It really feels like them doesn't it?

Reconnection on every plane, totally agree heart

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MissLuci commented on Epilogue on January 28, 2022 01:23pm Liked

Well, that ending was a sweet bit of fluffy cotton candy, wasn't it?

For the record, I'm GLAD you were nervous and waited and wrote the CANON story, Meet Me At Mudnight because that story was a healing balm and made all the weird inconsistencies in season 7 finally make sense.  

I imagine that it doesn't matter to Buffy and Spike - but I am confident that their two children are literally mini-thems because that's how it always is.  Gray is definitely how I would see sweet William as a child.

Author's Response on February 01, 2022 10:06am

They and we deserved some cotton candy I think!

Ha! Yes, I think Midnight needed to happen when and how it did! And honestly, the ideas for Gray really evolved and changed a lot as I thought about it while writing Midnight. So this turned out the way it should have as well.

Gray really does seem William-ish to me! I was determined in my mind to not decide who that kid belonged to. I felt like if I was unsure of it, then it would read that way and then everyone could interpret how they liked. 

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MissLuci commented on Chapter 39 on January 28, 2022 01:03pm Liked

I've had three kids and nine if that seemed weird to me - none of it!

You did a great job, especially with the weirder bits that no one, fucking NO ONE talks about!

Of course they'd end up alone, but not alone really... together.

Author's Response on February 01, 2022 10:01am

Haha I'm so glad! I don't think of much of it as weird, but I know there are a lot of childless readers who might be horrified by some of the birth aspects. It's often one of those "you have to be there" kind of things...

I couldn't stand the idea of them doing this with anyone else there. It felt like they've been on this couple's journey this whole time. They needed to do this together, too. And they COULD. They're awesome that way.

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Passion4Spike commented on Chapter 29 on January 28, 2022 04:06am Liked

I keep saying it, but poor Spuffy. So much healing to be done, but at least they're talking. 

heartshug

Author's Response on February 01, 2022 09:59am

They're working through!

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MissLuci commented on Chapter 33 on January 28, 2022 03:55am Liked

Jesus fuck!

Holy God!

You just took me to church!

That was beautiful!

By the way... have you ever watched Sergei Polunin dance to that song? - Take me to church? If not, you must use the friendly you tube machine and check it out.

Author's Response on February 01, 2022 09:51am

Hahah that is such an amazing response. This chapter felt like it had to be EVERYTHING you know? After all they've gone through! Beautiful but messy.

And I just watched that video and it was SO beautiful. I'm thrilled this would make you think of something so powerful as that heart

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MissLuci commented on Chapter 32 on January 28, 2022 02:57am Liked

 LMAO! Right there with ya, Spike!

I have a knee jerk rage reaction when I hear some Christmas music.  Not even kidding.  That and EDM - it makes me want to hurt people.  Makes no sense either because I don't hate Christmas... but I DO hate EDM.

So, next chapter?  Yes, please and thank you!

Author's Response on February 01, 2022 09:35am

My husband has the same feelings about Christmas music! haha possibly EDM as well.

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Passion4Spike commented on Chapter 27 on January 27, 2022 05:50am Liked

She’d never been to the top of a mountain and for some reason she’d expected something… pointier

Haha! That's so true and perfect Buffy. 

Glad they're talking a bit again and kind of slowly reconnecting,  even with the setbacks. 

hearts

Author's Response on February 01, 2022 09:19am

Gotta say, I had that thought at the top of my first hikes. "Really? It just looks like... normal up here..." Maybe I'm climbing lame mountains. Probably.

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Passion4Spike commented on Chapter 25 on January 27, 2022 05:16am Liked

Ugh! That wasn't exactly what I had in mind,  Buffy ! I think Spike was right that a good old fashioned,  passionate, screaming argument would actually help, walking away doesn't help!

Poor Spike... poor  Buffy too, but my heart is always with Spike. 

heart

Author's Response on February 01, 2022 09:18am

Yes! I love when they scream at each other haha. Buffy, ESPECIALLY, I feel like can shut down and turn off her feelings and just needs to be unleashed every now and then!

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