I have SO MANY feelings, Cosmic. I don't even know where to start. I'm gonna tackle this piece by piece.
-Setting: I love the detail you put into this. You cared about everything and researched things, like Sacramento's car museum. That stuck out to me, and I loved it.
-Little details, like picking a food that she misses. Chicken teriyaki! The rain outside and Buffy's reaction was beautiful.
I think pregnancy fics in the Buffy fandom are too rare, and a nuanced, delightful take on the harsh realities of motherhood are even rarer. You put so much care into building this scene. I can feel everything Buffy does, how nervous she is, and how much she's worrying about it. The abrupt "oh shit this is actually fucking happening" moment is wonderful. There are so many things in this fic that I am hoping to see more of if you expand upon this universe. The every day struggles of an established Spuffy relationship - the ones that aren't breakup-caliber - are things I want to badly see in a Spuffy story, and I know you want it to.
Does Spike hold Buffy's hair while she has morning sickness? How does she slay through it? Why is Wesley involved here? How is he alive?
How did the pregnancy even happen? Did I miss that? I kept looking for it, so I don't think I did. Are Spike's swimmers active in your headcanon?
I want to see ALL OF the stories for these two. Spike teaching this kid how to speak proper English, how to write poetry, how to annoy Buffy like only he can. I want to see how they handle mundane daily tasks, like "who helps kid with math homework? Neither of us know the bloody American math curriculum, Slayer" and the like.
Thank you for this beautiful piece, Cosmic :D
This made me grin last night, and this afternoon, it still makes me smile. Feelings are a good thing to hear you've made happen, and I want to roll around on the bed, and in this comment, for all the feelings you've given me.
I've been to that car museum a couple of times. Imagine the delights Spike would take there - they've even got Jerry Brown's Plymouth Satellite.
No, you didn't miss anything. There was a line in an early draft alluding to how this pregnancy happened, but since it felt removed from the moment, I decided to cut it. And yes, I too want to see all the stories. I'll try to find out how many I can tell.
That was cute! It's so hard for me to imagine Spuffy having babies outside of some crazy fic pregnancy that is a huge plot thing. It's hard for me to even imagine her living a long life being all slayer and death all the time. This sweet little domestic fic put a new perspective in my head. Thank you!
Thank you! I've seen a lot of those huge plot pregnancy fics, and thought, what would be the opposite of that? So I wrote this. I'm happy that you found it cute, and I'm always delighted to hear I could put a new perspective into someone's head.
I dig it.
Jesus christ! I just love everything you write. So thoughtful, intelligent, and best of all, it really feels true to the characters. Thank you!
Goodness! Thank you, so much. I'm so happy you think this rings true for them - that's always at the forefront of my mind, and I'm happy to hear they work for you in this little piece.
As someone who dealt with infertility (and still does) this story kicked me so hard. It was beautiful, though. I wish I had a billion more background details, but I love exactly what you gave us.
Thank you. And I'm sorry. And thank you.
Amazing. Wonderful. I could not only see and hear Buffy and Spike I could also feel them. Thank you for this beautiful gem of a story.
I'm grinning to read that you liked this so much, and that it felt so true to you. Thank you for letting me know you enjoyed this so much.
I've got a lot of feelings about this, but not really any words. It just... it feels real, in that scary yet brilliant yet heavy and light all at once way.
Five hearts! Goodness!
That you think it feels real is high praise. Thank you, so much. I'm pleased I could get you in the feelings, and happy you had a good time reading it.
When I tried to process the thought that my pregnancy means I'm going to be a mother, I could - at least rational. But emotionally? That was a total different theme. To tell the truth I don't know if I can understand the momentousness just using my brain. Maybe it's just something you can understand with your heart, so your story touched me there.
Thank you so much. I'm so happy that this rang true for you in that respect. I've heard and read it from many women who've had children that they didn't feel like they became mothers until after the births - when they finally held their children, when they first heard them cry. It's something you need your heart for, absolutely.
Lovely moments with the family together facing reality in the eye.
First the reality of the baby itself. Now being felt, now impacting Buffy's life to the point of movement. Suddenly very real not abstract.
Then the reality that Spike will live long after all the humans he loves are dead and buried (barring dusting at some point that is). Then again, even humans often outlive their offspring. It can happen. You have to learn to just take and enjoy each day and let the future deal with itself. Death is the ultimate reality after all.
Excellent and evocative piece. Very loving too. Snug in their home, the home and family the right size and place.
I enjoyed this.
Trying to catch up with all things in life but getting there! Thank you so much for your support, understanding and concern. Think I'm back in a decent place at long last.
Buffy and Spike know the realities of living better than pretty much anyone, and they're willing to accept those better than most, too. They know happiness isn't promised, but they're going to fight for it as hard as they can. "Snug" isn't a word I'd had in mind when I wrote this, but yes - it's tremendously fitting. Thank you for giving it to me, and for letting me know how much you enjoyed this.
I'm glad to hear you're getting your feet back underneath you. I hope this trend continues.
This really brought back the first pregnancy realization that your body is in the middle of a process that will. not. stop. It's both scary and empowering, and I'm so glad that Buffy is in a good place -- secure, loved, supported. There's still a definite element of being trapped by your own body amidst the magic of making new life; it isn't your body any longer, not just yours, and you're along for the ride rather than being in the driver's seat.
Thank you for writing in hiccups, one of the silly, endearing things the little soon-to-be-person can do! Lovely one-shot.
Thank you so much! I didn't know babies could hiccup in the uterus until I was well into my twenties. It seems like something I should've known earlier.
"Boarded the train there's no getting off," as Plath put it. "Once you have a child, you're never alone," as Le Guin wrote. That Buffy knowingly and willingly accepted this situation doesn't mean it's any less monumental, or full of revelations and wonder.
I'm happy you liked this, and that it rang true.
This was so soft but then you punched me with some angst. Wow okay ow, that unexpectedly hurt but in a good way.
That was the tone I was going for, and it's a high compliment to hear I succeeded. Thank you!
I love the idea of them having a baby. I find it really sad that Spike will outlive his family. I always thought that he would see the sunrise at Buffys death, but with his child to take care of, this is no longer an option for him.
I always thought Buffy would be tremendously pissed off in the afterlife if she found out Spike went and met the sun when she died. She'd want him to keep living. Though yes, with their child - and hopefully grandchildren, someday - Spike now has ties to the world in ways even his relationships with Buffy, and Dawn to an extent, never gave him. So he'll be staying a long time.
Thank you for commenting. I'm happy you liked this.
very sweet story.
the only sadness is voicing buffy's thoughts on spike outliving them all.
and i have to admit i had a thought that maybe it was twins when buffy said 'they were' and her immediate reaction to that pronoucement.
No, not twins, just a baby of unknown gender. Buffy and Spike decided to wait until the birth to find that out. 'Sad and sweet' was a lot of what I was going for - the general feelings and worries of all parents magnified by Buffy and Spike being who they are.
I'm happy you thought this was so enjoyable. Thank you for the comment and the compliment.
Woah. I want expecting that last bit. That got heavy fast. Though obviously an observation of a very real possibility for their family, and I'm glad to have read this domestic, middle-of-the-night moment of bonding.
It's a necessary conversation for them to have, and better they have it before the baby's born. Knowing what's coming and going ahead with their plans anyway is Buffy and Spike's general attitude towards life. They know how to make it work.
Thank you. I'm happy you enjoyed reading this.
Loved the 'warding the windows' bit in the getting ready for baby stuff. And poor Spike, destined to outlive everyone he loves, not just his child, but Buffy too.
Thanks so much for sharing. Sounds like they have a lovely little house for their lovely little family.
I won't lie: putting them in that house was a big motivating factor behind writing this.
Thank you for commenting. I'm glad you liked it.
The calm before the storm
buffy pregnancy cravings wound be challenging
When a friend of mine was several months pregnant, she was thinking about a trip, and I told her that her child would never be so easily kept track of again. The calm, indeed. As for the cravings, that all depends - she might have an easy one to fill, like a lust for dark green vegetables.
Thank you for the comment. I'm pleased you liked this.
First of all, that’s a great quote! I feel like anyone thinking about trying to get pregnant should read it and let it process for a while before they make any decisions.
I had to look up the house, and it’s adorable.
You got so many of the little things about being pregnant in here. For me, the food thing was the opposite. I think I pretty much only ate peanut butter crackers and Granny Smith apples for the whole first trimester. And once the heightened smell and sensitivity to textures kicked in, I couldn’t eat Alfredo sauce anymore. I still don’t eat it much, that never came back. I hope Buffy gets her love of chicken teriyaki back, lol.
I laughed at how smoothly “warding the windows” fit into their spring/summer cleaning list.
This is such a universal story for mothers. There is always that moment where, despite how much you’ve planned or thought about it, the fact that you’re having a baby REALLY hits you as more than just an abstract concept. I remember when I was pregnant with the twins, I just looked down one day and thought, “There are PEOPLE in my stomach!” WHUMP!
Touching on Spike outliving them both was sad, but inevitable. It’s beautiful that there’s the tacit understanding that they both feel it’s still worth it.
I liked this choice for the Trapped Challenge. I won’t say it’s universal, but I think a lot of mothers have at least a moment during pregnancy where they feel suddenly panicked and trapped, whether they’re excited or anxious about the baby that’s coming. Often both at the same time, and often at the moment described in this story. And that’s totally normal and OK.
Also, the banner is so lovely!
Single-topic Tumblr accounts are one of the highlights of the platform. I'm not even kidding. And "adorable" is such a good word for that house, too.
Having Spike communicate to Buffy that he knows he's willingly invited himself to be subjected to one of the greatest tragedies which can befall a parent because he knows the experience of raising and loving their child is going to be worth every ounce of the pain of said tragedy in as few words as possible was on my mind from as soon as I got the idea for this little fic. I'm glad that feeling comes through.
When you realize you're going to have a baby, or you understand the diagnosis your doctor gave you isn't going away, or any number of ways life hits you that this is what's happened, will happen, is happening now - it's a moment of utter, perfect reality. I'm glad it came through for you, and I'm pleased you liked my take on the challenge. Thank you!
Oooh, six months is for sure where pregnancy gets real and trying to maneuver around that belly definitely changes the dynamic between you carrying your baby to your kiddo trapping you in this new big body until baby is ready to pop. I loved this sweet domestic glimpse into where they are post-wars and they've definitely earned their reward of a much-deserved happily ever after. And them living in the city of "sacrament?" Awesome detail. Lovely fic!
Thank you! That they've earned this was a feeling I had throughout the writing, and I'm happy that it came through, and that you liked the story so much.
The name was one of the major deciding factors in me putting them in Sacramento to have their child. While it's got assorted birth centers so Buffy wouldn't have to step foot in a hospital if she didn't have to, is a fairly safe place as far as California goes for rare occurrences of natural disasters, and is big enough for Buffy and Spike to disappear into and small enough for them to be able to get to know it well, and is well removed from pretty much everywhere else major in either TV show, the name cinched it.
This was sweet. I liked seeing Buffy's thoughts and it was nice how Buffy suddenly was hit by the fact that she was pregnant, the moment it became real. The moment with Spike was sweet too with a hint of sadness. The banner left me with a good feeling too.
"Sweet" is a high compliment to receive. Thank you - I'm happy you enjoyed reading this.
That was lovely. You set the mood beautifully, and you really capture the sense of the moment.
*Sniff* Allergies. It must be allergies!
Thank you so much. I'm happy you liked it, and I'll go get you some tissues.
“I mean, there’s a baby coming.” She twisted around to look at him. “I mean, I’m pregnant.” She tried again, “There’s – I’m going to have a baby". That moment when it really hits you that this is real and happening. 💚
I've had that kind of moment, and while I've never had it in the context of a baby - it's not a moment to easily forget. Thank you. I'm happy you liked this so much.