Comments For 15 Cinquain Poems
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angelic_amy commented on Poems on October 02, 2019 09:02am Liked

Wow! These were so lovely and poignant. I love how you managed to capture a feeling within each poem with so few but carefully chosen words. That's talent. 

Thanks for sharing. flowers

Author's Response on October 02, 2019 10:00am

Thank you very much! <3

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Twinkles commented on Poems on December 16, 2018 04:01am Liked

 I can't believe it took me so long to discover these! Absolutely amazing, I love them so much I just want to read and reread them 😍 Had the tab open all week until I could sit down and comment properly lol. And I can't just copypaste the whole thing, so I'll try to narrow it to highlights..

Taxes
and death don't last,
but, the further you run,
the closer, Slayer, you'll come to
my love.

- I don't know what it is about this, but ooh it makes me shiver deliciously. Words turned inside out and so much promise given.

He stole
glances, sweaters,
and fire that only
men should feel, sacrifice mocking
the gods.

- God I love this image so damn much, the light start and then the steely core beneath, perfect.

I’m empty air. Why don’t
you go be alone somewhere else?
Wait, stay.

- Oh Spike 💔 The feels man. 😢

I tried
to wound your heart
for throwing mine away.
Couldn't get a clear shot – mine's still
too close.

- Best thing I've read all year, without a shadow of a doubt. Absolute perfection, it's just amazing and I must permanently inscribe it in my brain so I can enjoy it forever.

Thank you so so much! heartsflowers

 

Author's Response on December 16, 2018 04:20am

Oh my god. hearts Thank you!!!! I'm happy they worked for you so well -- and I appreciate that you took the time to write up such a wonderful comment. <3

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KillerSnotMonster commented on Poems on November 12, 2018 04:09pm Liked

Wow wow wow!

I loved these.

I liked the variety of tones in the quotes you used too. There's bittersweet romantic stuff juxtaposed with Glory's sass. So great.

Author's Response on November 12, 2018 05:36pm

Yay, thank you very much! Had to have a little sass in the title to balance my I-love-Spike-so-much-and-listen-here's-why poem...

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thewiggins commented on Poems on July 17, 2018 10:03pm Liked

 Glad to see you've posted these here too! I enjoyed the opportunity to reread them with fresh eyes, and it's nice to see them all together in one place.

My favorite continues to be the Prometheus one.

He stole
glances, sweaters,
and fire that only
men should feel, sacrifice mocking
the gods.

Such perfect clarity and precision, not a word out of place. I envy that level of precision, so much meaning packed into so few lines.

Another that stood out to me was:

Taxes
and death don't last,
but, the further you run,
the closer, Slayer, you'll come to
my love.

I love the inversion of that old cliche that only the only things that are inevitable in life are death and taxes. In Buffy's case, they are indeed inevitabilities but transient ones. And it's appropriately chilling and certainly in line with Season 6 Spike that he's hoping these grim realities will drive Buffy into his arms.

I also really liked "I'm not a quick study." and “So you just bring it on. Bring on the whole-”. The later of the two was the only one who's quote I couldn't place. Which episode was that from?

And, cause you asked to hear what's not working as well as what is, the only poem that just doesn't quite work for me is the first one. I think it's something about the way it's arranged, like my brain can never quite figure out what's going on without reading it twice. On first read I always seem to think at first that he's some kind of wild card friend who brings snacks to soccer games and then I'm like, wait that's not it. And, much like in "Bob the Hellmouth Cop", I find the parenthetical distracting. That might just be a me thing. Certainly I like the idea, and if it was just expressed with a comma I think I'd like it better. In fact I think For Dru, to be hers might work best at the end, while the bit about courting an unlikely ally would work well at the beginning. If the two were flipped I think the whole thing would work a lot better for me, but I'm not sure not sure if this is possible, not being very clear on the rules of cinquain poems. Certainly it's easy to criticize than to do, and I'm not saying I could have done better.

But yeah, that minor criticism doesn't detract from the fact that I'm super blown away by this group of poems. Such impressive use of minimalist language, symbolism, and references to both Buffy and other texts, and all within the constraints of a particular poetic form. I bookmarked them and definitely feel like I could keep returning to them and keep find new nuances.

Author's Response on July 17, 2018 11:56pm

Oh, my. Thank you so much, generous Wiggins!

The "bring it on" quote is from "Grave" - Spike says it during the demon trials. Right before that creepy beetle thing happens, by the way.

"On first read I always seem to think at first that he's some kind of wild card friend who brings snacks to soccer games and then I'm like, wait that's not it." Oh dear. XD No, that's not good. Thank you for telling me.

"In fact I think For Dru, to be hers might work best at the end, while the bit about courting an unlikely ally would work well at the beginning. If the two were flipped I think the whole thing would work a lot better for me, but I'm not sure not sure if this is possible, not being very clear on the rules of cinquain poems." See, you caught exactly what was going on there! That's the first cinquain I wrote, and I was still trying to have summarizing nouns in the first and last line, as my first source said I should. I tried to revise this poem later, but the thing is I didn't want to shift the focus away from Spuffy, and I felt like ending with Dru stuff would do that. But there's certainly something to be said for making the sentence readable! Just out of curiosity, let's see:

Wild card

comes courting an

incredulous ally,

for soccer, snacks, and for Dru, to

be hers.

Yeaah. Ending on a motivation that's always crucial to Spike and ties s2 to s7 isn't so bad either. I think I considered another structure that would let me keep "ally" last, but that had an uninspiring beginning.

For snacks,

soccer, and Dru,

to be hers, a wild card

comes courting an incredulous

ally.

Idk. And parentheses still feel like a good idea to me, by the way -- but then, I know I tend to overuse them. I mean, I could...

For Dru,

to be hers, for

soccer and snacks, wild card

comes... nah.

Anyway, anything that doesn't sound like he's bringing snacks for soccer must be better than the current version. :D Thank you so much for all your thoughts!! <3

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Fraggleshrew commented on Poems on June 19, 2018 01:26pm Liked

Oh how I love those last two... especially

The town
stripped to bones

And

to cast off selfish flesh,
vanishing translucent into
pure light

Great lines thenewbuzwuzz.

hearts

Author's Response on June 19, 2018 06:32pm

Thank you so much! <3 Your kind words came at just the right time to brighten my evening. ^^

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OffYourBird commented on Poems on June 15, 2018 01:34pm Liked

More poems??? squee Oh, you do spoil me. I love this added/revised set. Since I already commented on the ones I've seen before, I'll tackle the ones I haven't:

“Because it’s wrong.” - I adore this other early season addition, and the sort of prophetic nature of the eventually-to-be Spuffy sexcapades featured here. A perfect Faith voice.

“Hundred forty-seven days yesterday.” - Love this, particularly with the dual usage of "Glory" and how living has become the real challenge - how Spike's reconciled the idea of keeping going. I also adore how it reflects Buffy's final words - how the hardest thing in this world is to live in it

“You can’t tell the ones you love” - The sense of Spike's despair at Buffy only telling him things because he doesn't really matter "I'm empty air" - isn't someone who she cares about hurting with the knowledge (from this POV) is wrenching, and such a great set-up for your GONE poem with "You've got to see me"

“I'm not a quick study.” - love this play on the usage of "education". Spike has to relearn how to exist in this world (hey, he likes a challenge!), and yet he feels he's failing, physically and psychologically. And yet, even in his failure, it's still all about Buffy heart

“No, you don’t.” - BREAK MY HEART, WHY DON'T YOU? This is tragically gorgeous - the culmination of your entire set of poems, and so beautifully rendered into this climax of Spike seeing a way to be a man, and yet - even now - being unseen with "vanishing translucent". But now, he's done fighting it, fighting for himself "selfish flesh" and seeks only to do what he thinks Buffy wants of him. Brilliant end to an incredible set! bravo

 

Author's Response on June 15, 2018 03:14pm

heart Thank you! Actually, you already left kind comments on 3 of these on tumblr, but, well, it *was* more than a month ago, and I didn't mention now that some additions were recycled. So now I have 2 sets of OYB comments on some poems! *hoards them*

I'm happy that most of the original outtakes fit into the set after all. Glad to hear the two new ones work ("147 days" and "quick study") -- thank you for being so meticulous and reassuring me about every one of them. :D

Thank you so much for all your thoughts and reactions. hugI love them, even though I'm not up to much thinking and talking right now.

OffYourBird Replied on June 15, 2018 03:21pm

Oh, thank god - I could have *sworn* I'd read several of these before (the Chosen poem in particular really stuck with me), but when I looked at SS and saw they weren't there, I suspected I'd just gone crazy and had mixed up something in my brain (wouldn't be the first time). BUT IT WAS THE TUMBLR POST. *whew* Hopefully I've given more in depth commentary here!

Haha, and you're doing just fine on the thinking and talking part from my end heart (at least as well as I am, apparently, low though the bar may be...)

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Green commented on Poems on June 15, 2018 12:20am Liked

💚

Author's Response on June 15, 2018 12:23am

<3

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pfeifferpack commented on Poems on June 14, 2018 11:34pm Liked

All of these are excellent.

I especially loved these: 

He stole
glances, sweaters,
and fire that only
men should feel, sacrifice mocking
the gods.

"The fire that only men should feel, sacrifice mocking the god" is perfection! Nail Spike completely.

And this:

I thought
you wanted me
to cast off selfish flesh,
vanishing translucent into
pure light?

Vanishing translucent into pure light is a beautiful turn of phrase.

Lovely!

Kathleen

 

 

Author's Response on June 15, 2018 12:29am

Thank you so much! <3 The first one you quoted might be my favorite in the set, so I'm really happy to hear other people like it, too. My little "By the Way, Spike's Amazing" poem. :D

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MichelleZed commented on Poems on June 14, 2018 08:28pm Liked

 I enjoyed these, especially this one:

I tried
to wound your heart
for throwing mine away.
Couldn't get a clear shot – mine's still
too close.

Author's Response on June 15, 2018 12:22am

Thank you! That one almost got left out, so it's educational to hear people like it.

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magnus374 commented on Poems on June 14, 2018 04:58pm

They were good. The ones I liked the most was "hundred forty-seven days yesterday" and "her hands". They had this sadness but also power, fitting for season 6.

Author's Response on June 14, 2018 05:28pm

Thank you very much! smile It's really interesting to hear which ones stand out to people.

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Behind Blue Eyes commented on Poems on June 14, 2018 03:19pm Liked

Very interesting.  Enjoyed, thanks for sharing

Author's Response on June 14, 2018 03:24pm

Thank you! :)

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Priceless commented on Poems on June 14, 2018 02:57pm Liked

So good. I liked them all, but my favourites are 'Because it's wrong' and especially 'wake up already . . . ', which seems so poignant. 

Author's Response on June 14, 2018 03:17pm

Thank you very much! <3

I totally managed to ruin Xander's nice, funny "wake up" line for myself. It's angst now.

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