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Electric Heart commented on Chapter 9 on December 10, 2020 08:12pm Liked

You capture their S7 relationship so well! Simultaneous fear, guilt and longing all wrapped together. And there's something really powerful in her not wanting to follow script because it requires her to repeat old cruelty to him--even though its not actually him, it hurts all the same. Super interested in where things go from here!

PS: I am lowkey wondering if Angel will show up from the spell or if Spike was just joking in that offhanded comment on AtS S5

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 01:43pm

I'm so glad you've been reading and enjoying, and let me tell you, I never get tired of hearing that the S7 relationship is working for someone because it is definitely putting me through the wringer. 

PS: You lowkey may be onto something here. 

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sarahinexile commented on Chapter 1 on December 10, 2020 06:48pm Liked

Gahhhhh I love love love this story so far. Your writing and character voices are so accurate - especially Buffy’s - that I feel like this has come straight out of the show. Can’t wait to see what happens next! 

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 01:46pm

Gaahhhh, I'm so happy you're reading and enjoying, and that Buffy's voice is working for you. And the show comparison makes me !!!! My delayed response here is because I've just now calmed down enough to reply, one week later. 

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Girlytek commented on Chapter 9 on December 06, 2020 10:45pm Liked

When I grow up, I want to write as well as you do. heart
This is really, really great.

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 01:47pm

So, I am just now responding to this comment ten days later because it made me so overwhelmed with feelings that I think I've finally calmed down to do so. I woke up to it, and damn, is that a way to start your day, especially since this is coming from YOU, Buffy dialogue-r extraordinaire. 

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Girlytek commented on Chapter 8 on December 06, 2020 10:25pm Liked

Hell. I’ve been putting off reading this chapter because I knew I couldn’t deal with it, because I can’t deal with S7, because of the reason you put: “It feels like I broke him,” Buffy said softly, looking at the hands she was clasping tightly in her lap. “Or, worse, like I killed him, or I guess the soulless him, and now he’s back as a ghost. But, like, a weird half-stranger ghost. And if I don’t find a way to fix him now, then I’m never going to get the chance to know who this Spike is. And I hate that because .  . . because . . .”

You’ve worded everything exactly right. I love Willow being honest and helpful. I love the humor in all this. I still hate S7, and I really hate crying, but I’ll keep reading anyway, because this is really f-ing wonderful. heart

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 01:49pm

heartheartheart I can't tell you how grateful I am that you're still giving this a chance, despite the unrelenting S7 angst. I know I've said this before, but I definitely started writing this going, "oh, what a fun idea!" and then when I really let the characters take me to where they needed to be taken I was like "MISTAKE! TERRIBLE MISTAKE! WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF." 

So I appreciate you coming back to this and trusting me with all these messy feelings. 

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Supernashtendo commented on Chapter 9 on December 06, 2020 09:53pm

Ooooo!!! Can’t wait for the update!!! I read on my kindle but wanted to check in and comment! Living for this story!!! 

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 01:50pm

Thank you for letting me know you're enjoying!!! And I'm sorry for the delay on the next bit. You'll see the reason why posted here in a bit, as I may have, uh, gone a little overboard on the SS fic. 

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Ezriela6 commented on Chapter 9 on November 29, 2020 02:03am Liked

 Oooh, love the way this is going! So steamy and (for Buffy) eye opening. Great job!! I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 01:51pm

Yay, glad you're enjoying. More should be coming soon, now that I think I've got this SS story sorted. 

And yes, Buffy being able to revisit some of what happened with non-depressed eyes is important, I think, on so many levels. 

 

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spikedreamer commented on Chapter 9 on November 28, 2020 06:11pm Liked

Gott armer Spike, ja Buffy war ein selbstsüchtiges Miststück!

spikedreamer

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 01:52pm

I'm happy you're reading! heart

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MaggieLaFey commented on Chapter 9 on November 28, 2020 10:07am Liked

I need to once again point out that your writing is unbelievably good, and that you're just excellent at showing us a heartbreaking portrait of s6 Spuffy. And I just love the way Buffy's older and healthier perspective on it all lets her see how much she's grown since then.

I also need to point out just how much I love the way you still manage to sneak in so many hilarious lines here and there. I LOVE that, it's one of the aspects of your writing I prefer the most. :D 

Also, the bit with Spike asking her what she's looking for, at the beginning, while unbuttoning her shirt... *fans self* I mean, it ends in heartbreaking dirtybadwrong nastiness, but it was HELLA hot while it lasted. And well, I did tell you about how much I loved the almost-came-from-tit-play bit, right? Because LOVE.

Speaking of nastiness, btw, I did want to say that I really appreciate the way you don't spare Spike's nastiness. You don't spare Buffy's, either, but Spike wasn't a sweet puppy during that time, either. I mean, you know my thoughts on that haha what I mean is, it's painfully in-character for both, with all of their shortcomings. And boy, that ending... weep

Can't wait to get to the final happy ending with these two, my friend. heart

Thank you for sharing this beautiful story with us and for letting me be part of it!!

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 01:57pm

Here's me, way too late in responding to this, but that's really because I've just calmed down about it, and because you give me so much to think of, always! 

When I started this fic, I knew I wanted to do this, because I felt like it was important for Buffy to be able to look at that period clear-eyed, in what is essentially a safe place over which she has control. Obviously, there's still lots of nastiness there, given their both such reactive creatures, but also things that a different her sees in new ways. 

Annnnnd I mean what I say when I write that this chapter wouldn't exist if I didn't have someone to send things to beforehand, so thank YOU. I am going to get to that ending ... eventually. 

MaggieLaFey Replied on December 16, 2020 03:38pm

Now I feel like an asshole for what I said about replying to comments... *facepalm* I'm sorry if I was a bit of a bitch about that, but please know that I do know you appreciate my comments. heart

Seriously, giving Buffy the opportunity to look at their tryst in this fashion and context was a stroke of genius. I'm so glad we have the privilege of exploring this idea through your brilliant writing. 

heart I know you're gonna get to that ending, just as I know we're all gonna love it when you do! hug

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magnus374 commented on Chapter 9 on November 28, 2020 08:06am

 It's not that easy for her to find a moment  she wants to relive. Her anger and denial during that time, makes it difficult for her. It also forces her to realise how much she hurt him.

The chapter was written in a really good way. The way Buffy is thinking now and the echo of her 5houghts then, all good. 

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 01:58pm

Thanks so much! I'm glad it worked for you--this chapter had been haunting me for a good long while. 

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pfeifferpack commented on Chapter 9 on November 28, 2020 02:29am Liked

 That was definitely Spike’s penis. Penis of Spike. Not fully hard, but getting there now that it had an audience.   Cute line that I can hear Buffy think quite clearly. That, she had not blown up.   

Actually, your Buffy voice is delightfully spot-on throughout. 

The fact that she and Spike were so simpatico when it came to sex had been, in and of itself, a constant terrible surprise.  Yes, he freed her sexually and it terrified her what she found in her freedom.

One thing she might be learning with these false starts is that it really wasn't so bad and that what he offered could have been very good if she'd let it be so. Interesting.

It's going to be a long night for Buffy I think.

Excellent update.

Kathleen

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 01:59pm

I'm glad my Buffy voice works. I'd like to claim it's great authorship, but I largely think it's because my brain works a lot like hers, in terms of making jokes to avoid darkness and falling into the pit trap of long terrible metaphors. 

It's definitely going to be a journey for Buffy, and I think she will come out of it with a much better understanding of herself. 

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nepalichik commented on Chapter 9 on November 27, 2020 09:48pm

Oh wow.    You did such a wonderful job with this. It was hot, yes, but also painful to read. I hurt so much for both of them.  Excellent work, as always. 

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 02:00pm

Thank you so much for this comment--I'm always sorry it takes me so long to respond, but that's usually because I'm so overwhelmed by them that I think in !!!!!!! for the next few weeks. 

I do promise that eventually we will have some not-painful hotness. Hopefully :) 

 

A

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O524 commented on Chapter 9 on November 27, 2020 08:57pm

Oh gosh. This was great. The conflicting Buffy thoughts are written so well. 

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 02:01pm

I'm so glad you liked it, as this chapter really has been sitting in a corner of my head for TWO YEARS. Thanks for reading! 

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celtic_goddess commented on Chapter 9 on November 27, 2020 08:08pm Liked

Once again, you deliver everything I didn't know I wanted! Dirty-talking Spike is my fave. The tension between then-Buffy and now-Buffy is so delicious. And that she  cuts off that last quote at Will(IAM) ... Telling, no? wink

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 02:02pm

If you can't tell, dirty-talking Spike is MY FAVE too, even if in the process of writing it I end up embarrassing myself. 

And yes, it IS telling. 

Thanks, as always, for reading. 

 

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BloodyMarie commented on Chapter 9 on November 27, 2020 07:18pm Liked

Wow, that was hot. I wonder if this is really just a memory. 

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 02:04pm

It's definitely just a memory, the kind of super-enhanced magic memory that all writers who want to be able to write sex scenes before her characters are actually ready to have sex again are fond of :) 

Glad it worked for you, and glad you are reading! 

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All4Spike commented on Chapter 9 on November 27, 2020 04:44pm Liked

Something tells me that finding a moment of love during their "it's not a relationship" is going to be harder than Buffy realised. It looks as though she'd blocked out all the badness, that was mostly triggered by her own emotional detachment, and the way she refused any true intimacy, because if she had, she'd have had to admit Spike truly loved her.

 

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 02:05pm

It's definitely going to be hard to find a memory that she wants to stay in, methinks. And yes, she's blocked a lot out, although I do think she does know the tenor of a lot of it was cruel. I think it's both her protecting herself from behavior she doesn't want to recognize, and also just the slipperiness of memory. 

Thanks, as always, for reading! 

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bmerb commented on Chapter 9 on November 27, 2020 04:01pm Liked

Oh man, lots of mixed feels here. Loving how there is no lack of conflict here. What next?!

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 02:16pm

WHAT NEXT INDEED. 

Ahem. I do believe "mixed feels" is gonna go on my tombstone one day. 

Thanks for reading and commenting! 

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Irishrose commented on Chapter 9 on November 27, 2020 03:58pm

oh, ho, interesting conundrum. She's trying to recreate a moment of love through memories, but those memories were built at a time that she wouldn't allow herself, or him, to feel love. Obviously, she finds one since we know Drusilla comes, but it'll be interesting to see how much naughty she relives with the commentary of modern Buffy's self-recrimination before she finds the right memory. 

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 02:17pm

It's definitely going to take some doing to find that memory that hits the right note! And yes, there is no world here where Spike is not cured, but shhhhhhhhh :) 

Thanks so much for reading and commenting! 

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Nollsuns commented on Chapter 9 on November 27, 2020 03:31pm Liked

Brilliant.

Full of conflictive emotions, then and now. But somehow very sweet and sad. And fabulous - no somehow in that, it's just your talent.

Author's Response on December 16, 2020 02:18pm

This comment made me so happy that it has literally taken me three weeks to calm down about it. heartheartheart I'm so glad that it worked for you; this one kept me up at nights. 

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Flyingsuits commented on Chapter 9 on November 27, 2020 01:42pm Liked

And the award for most frustrating cockblock goes to....

Gotta say though, this is an awesome way for her to make this realization, but I'm hard pressed to think of a way this doesn't become a painful cycle. 

Author's Response on November 27, 2020 01:50pm

Does the award have sparkles? Or is it shaped like a pitchfork and gets thrown at me? 

You can rest assured I do hope to leave Buffy in a better place because of this, but it's definitely a fic where it's slow-going. 

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MaggieLaFey commented on Chapter 8 on November 26, 2020 04:55pm Liked

So I was browsing the comments here and realised... I haven't actually left a comment?? I have all these thinky thoughts I was sure I'd shared... *facepalm*

I'm so curious to see where you're gonna go with Kennedy, especially considering that you've told me you have some sort of plan for her. And I'm so glad Buffy got to have that talk with the Potentials, especially since a. We got to see a bit of personality from their part, and b. She actually shared a bit of vulnerability with them, and thus a connection... I really loved that bit. Hopefully, that'll also mean fewer insensitive words from her, if Chloe ends up like in canon.

Oh, and I wanna know what's being Dawn's strange expression too! You story is just so full of great and interesting bits, how do you even do it? Speaking of, Willow is a damn saviour here. yay I love her and their friendship moment and everything she says about Spike SO DAMN MUCH.

All in all, I keep being in love with this story and hella honoured to help you with it. heart

Author's Response on November 27, 2020 12:01pm

Getting this was a lovely surprise yesterday--mostly because you already share so many thinky thoughts in the margins when you beta! These feel like bonus thinky thoughts! 

I do have a plan for Kennedy! Thanks to you! And I'm glad you liked the talk with the potentials; I think she's definitely starting to see them as girls, not pieces on a board, which will be helpful. 

 

MaggieLaFey Replied on November 27, 2020 12:30pm

God knows I like sharing my thoughts even when people don't appreciate it hahaha so if you do, it makes me even happier to do so!

I can't wait to see what you have in store for Kennedy and YAS, it'll definitely be helpful. <3

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celtic_goddess commented on Chapter 8 on November 10, 2020 09:49am Liked

Hot damn! She finally did it! I wonder if she’s going to have any realizations about her and Spike while she relives this scene. Also full disclosure: I read this like a week ago but was too caught up to make comments, so I just went back and noted my fave things from each chapter hearts also, also: I NEVER read season 7 fics but you have shown me the error of my ways! I love this so much! Update soon blow_kiss

Author's Response on November 27, 2020 12:04pm

Oh gosh, I am so honored and grateful you came back and left comments! Honestly, it couldn't have come at a better time for me, because I was actually in the process of working on the new chapter and lolling around in a pit of self-doubt as to whether anyone other than me really wants to read S7 fics. The fact that I've won over someone who avoids them makes me feel heartheartheart

Buffy is definitely going to have some new realizations as she relives some of these memories. And the next chapter is going up today! 

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celtic_goddess commented on Chapter 7 on November 10, 2020 09:45am Liked

Talking is good! Feeling like Buffy has set herself up for a whole lotta awkward down the line by not telling Spike though scared also Willow and Buffy heart

Author's Response on November 27, 2020 12:05pm

Ha, oh gosh, I know she has. I debated having her tell him, but a part of me also couldn't cut myself off from all the wonderful potential for tension that will come from some awkwardly interrupted outings! 

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celtic_goddess commented on Chapter 6 on November 10, 2020 09:43am Liked

You’re hitting a perfect tone with this fic! I love it! blow_kiss

Author's Response on November 27, 2020 12:06pm

Given my anxiety over this fic, all the time, I might tattoo this on my forehead. 

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celtic_goddess commented on Chapter 5 on November 10, 2020 09:41am Liked

Goddamn Kennedy is a brat. Sometimes I forget

Author's Response on November 27, 2020 12:07pm

This fic will definitely not let anyone forget that. Sorry, Kennedy. 

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celtic_goddess commented on Chapter 4 on November 10, 2020 09:40am Liked

Buffy is her best self when she has something to fix! I found it so so so endearing that she’s choosing not to take the easy way out with Anya performing the spell

Author's Response on November 27, 2020 12:08pm

You're so right--when she can be action-oriented, I think she shines. It's the words that trip her up! 

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celtic_goddess commented on Chapter 3 on November 10, 2020 09:38am Liked

Buffy and Dawn clearing the air (and Spuffy hugs) is everything I wanted from s7 and more

Author's Response on November 27, 2020 12:08pm

Ha, when I started this, I wasn't even thinking of it as a fix-it fic, and then as I plotted I realized, oh, it's a fix-it fic.  

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celtic_goddess commented on Chapter 2 on November 10, 2020 09:36am Liked

Sorry Giles, but Buffy isn’t the one with a blind spot where Spike is concerned rolleyes1

Author's Response on November 27, 2020 12:09pm

TRUE DAT. 

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celtic_goddess commented on Chapter 1 on November 10, 2020 09:33am Liked

Poor Spike! Buffy (and Dru???) to the rescue

Author's Response on November 27, 2020 12:09pm

Definitely going to be a team effort. A really weird team effort. 

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pfeifferpack commented on Chapter 8 on November 09, 2020 10:49am Liked

Yeah, Kennedy has been listening to something she shouldn't. No surprise there in how she reacted. THAT is why I never liked her... that attitude that rules didn't apply to her, that she was somehow more than the others (even Buffy at times). Her air of superiority annoyed the hell out of me. Buffy had all the responsibility and no control with those girls and Giles wasn't around to help just kept bringing more back and dumping them on her.

“Well, count me out. Not going to spend any more time in this sororal nightmare than I have to.”  I have to agree with Anya. I'd opt out too and I love ice cream! She's pretty surly though just as in canon at this point.

I like that Willow isn't judgmental of Spike in the general sense just protective of how Buffy feels. She's right, she's in no position to judge (none of them are really. Tara might have been and Dawn but none of the others... they resided in glass houses by now).

Nice to see Willow and Buffy bonding.  Buffy hinted at bad behavior on her part in how she treated Spike. I really wish she'd fessed up to that in canon.

Now the spell. Good choice of times. They were in a place of least destruction that time, enough that Spike even asked if she liked him at all.

I'm a bit concerned with Kennedy in the house and maybe a tool of the FE. 

Anya in the house is convenient as she definitely is one of Spike's former lovers. Save her the walk or drive.

Excellent update.

Kathleen

Author's Response on November 27, 2020 12:15pm

Interestingly, I think Kennedy actually shares a lot of qualities that make Buffy a great Slayer but that also tend to blow up in her face if they aren't also checked by outside forces. Kennedy interests me because we're also told she's grown up with money, which I think probably fanned the flames of privilege too. When those flames are also fanned by the First, I think there's the potential for some interesting results. 

I feel a little for Anya, needing to live in the house for protection with someone who recently tried to kill her. 

I think the spell is going to take Buffy to some unexpected places. 

As always, thanks so much for reading!!!!! 

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Beachtallulah commented on Chapter 8 on November 09, 2020 04:55am Liked

Thanks for this and indirect thanks to MaggieLaFey. So pleased this fic is continuing and can't guess where it's going which is great.

Author's Response on November 27, 2020 12:16pm

Oh, it's continuing! Slowly, snail-ily . . . but continuing. I am going to finish it if it kills me. 

So glad you're still here reading, and that I'm keeping you on your toes! 

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