This is officially my favorite Spuffy story. I have read a lot and I mean a lot of Spuffy stories and I'm no where near done (on this site alone) and this is the kind of story I've always wanted to read. Buffy being drawn to Spike. That he was the one that brought her out of her puppy love and into something deeper with him. I like Spike being smart about a lot of things (not that he was ever stupid). I love the friendship that was forming between Giles and Spike as well as Spike and Xander.
This is one I will read again and again! Thanks for writing it.[Report This]
Hi! Every few years I have to come back and re-read this story. Oh my gosh girl! It gets better every time! Sooo good!
I love your writing. And I absolutely loved how you portrayed Spike in this story! I especially love the ending. Romantic and touching and perfect!
Thank you AGAIN for a great read!
Kelly Derringer firstname.lastname@example.org
YES He doesn't need the soul. He'll not mess up any worse than any human in his choices and he'd never do anything that would cause her to need to kill him. Humans make mistakes and wrong choices too so no reason to get a soul to prevent that from being possible. All the rest he doesn't need. She is his conscience...NOT that she has to carry a burden. Loving her will keep him on the straight and narrow, she won't need to do a thing.
now she had the gift of immortality—the gift of belonging forever to the one who deserved it the most. YAY just as I suspected.
I love you, Spike. This Buffy, and the Buffy you left behind. All of me belongs to you. Love this...it is what he did deserve for certain through this story but in canon after Glory he did too.
Love it ending with Buffy having a look of awe.
I read this years ago when you first put it out there (I think on LJ) but only remembered parts. TOTALLY enjoyed the re-read!
he was playing—not as determined to wipe the world of another Slayer as his boasting tongue had implied. Yup. SO many times Spike outmatched Buffy especially in the early pre-Glory days. The only time she bested him was Harsh Light of Day when she staked him but he had on the ring then. The only reason she did then was because he goaded her to fury for that matter. He didn't want to kill her. Likewise she had him more than once when he got distracted and took his time but she never did it except the one time.
With the merging of the two Buffy realities she is likely a better fighter than Angel is used to also.
YAY Jenny is still alive. Ethan is free but both Buffy and Spike know his plan to turn Giles into a Fyral demon so he's thwarted there...same with Eygon or band candy for that matter. With Jenny alive Giles won't be a cold bastard either. Wins all around.
One thing I always appreciated about Xander was how very brave he was in fighting the fight. He had NO powers whatsoever and was afraid (as any sane individual would be) but never ran when needed.
Didn’t need a soul to love and be loved. Didn’t need a soul to make the right decisions. To learn from the bad ones. Older Buffy saw it all with a wiser, untarnished eye. Spike could have loved her, did love her without the benefit of being trapped and cursed. He was pure in the most elemental sense. Yeah NOW she sees.
she’d talked herself into believing the only reason she’d withstood the trauma was because she loved him. Loved him so deeply and with so much of her heart and soul that no other was ever going to replace him. Yes. I think of people who cheat on a spouse and get caught. After divorce they marry the former lover because the "love" HAD to have been uber important...fate...destiny! If it had only been cheap sex...well the cost (the family) had been far too high!!! So to make it worth the cost the "love" is elevated FAR over what it truly was, might not have even been love in many cases. Then that marriage falls apart as well when the truth eventually makes itself known. I think that's what Buffy did with the "love" she and Angel shared in canon. People DIED because of their "love" so it HAD to be the most deep and destined love of all time! Written in the very heavens only it was not. She never matured enough while the show was on to finally learn the truth of it though.
Yet another echo this time the sword and the scythe of canon. Nice.
Buffy's problem is jealousy. Stupid bitca! Nice echo of canon there though, of Buffy being jealous seeing Spike with Anyanka (stupid then too since she was the one to throw him away).
Another nice echo of canon from Intervention with Xander seeing Spike taken away only this time it's Angelus and Dru not Glory's minions. Buffy on the vision quest at the same time makes sense. She should see what the "evil" vampire kept her from having to deal with. Dolt!
Your second death you were returned to life. This gift is returned to you. Now you have it for always, so you can be with the one you love forever. Sounds like she was immortal when returned to life in the original timeline and might be again now that she has merged. Whether or not that's the interpretation she has merged and that will give her more maturity and God knows she needs it!
vampires were as varied in their behaviour and attitudes as humans. It was his opinion, then, that a soul would have very little impact on Spike. Precisely. In fact Spike with no soul was more comparable to Angel with a soul (better actually). There was never a variation of Spike that could be compared to Angelus even at his most evil. Point of fact soulless Spike was a LOT better than Angel throughout. When Spike did get his soul it made him less sure of himself and a lot less cocky at first but that's really the only difference not counting the FE induced madness.
Giles is properly impressed that this demon is willing to get a soul to be worthy of Buffy. He should have been in canon too but he never gave Spike credit for anything at all. I'm glad Giles has learned much of what happened the first time around and seen how badly he, all of them actually, behaved. They should have been trying to help Spike reach for the light and his manhood not trying to shove him back to the dark.
he held a secret. Kept something important from her and it hurt. This is different too. Canon Buffy found Angel's withholding information part of his mystery and appeal. Poor Spike just cannot get completely lucky can he?
I'm glad Jenny is alive. Too bad about the orb but better it be broken then her neck.
Spike is trying so hard to make right choices and still feels the raging fear of messing up. Too many years of being told he cannot be a good man.
Buffy is jealous of Dru. Actually it might be easier if Spike did dust Dru.
Ethan mixed in with Angelus and Dru is a very bad combination. At least at the moment Ethan has a shred of humanity, a shred that didn't like having himself called as black as Dru.
Things are looking so good for Spike that it's inevitable for something to go terribly wrong.
Love that Giles is observant and even intuitive.
Very passionate lovemaking and far superior to her night with Angel in canon.
Dru has baaaaaad things planned. She may be mad but she can still plot.
“You are mine. I love you with all that I am. My body will possess you with all I can be. Together we will fight everything in our path, and I will never let you lose your way. I will never let you go.” Lovely vow very like in a marriage. Heaven knows he means it that way.
I love Spike and Xander bonding and Spike even taking Xander under his wing. The boy had a lousy home life and this will make all the difference with him.
Typical Angelus...he made the mess that is Dru but blames her for being a mess. Dusting is too good for him.
The brunette vampire had breached her boundaries and instead of righteous fury, she acted like a girlfriend caught being caressed by another man. Make up your mind Buffy. Yeah way to feed Spike's insecurities. She just admitted to herself that she notices Spike has them too!
God Angelus is terrible. I always thought they downplayed his pure evil in canon (aside from his murder of Jenny he was rather lame).
I am beyond glad that Giles has been clued in. Spike has already made his impression on him and it is a good one from the start. Angelus hasn't done anything yet to make Giles completely turn against entertaining the possibility of a decent vampire as had happened the first go round. He's not going to reject Spike.
Spike really does expect them all to reject him eventually. His whole bloody history has set him up to have no belief that he could be loved and accepted even with a blank slate like he has here. He is waiting for that other shoe to drop all the time.
He rarely suited up, even in the most vicious fights, and certainly not from kissing her. She figured he had a tighter reign on his demon—either that or it was weaker in him and that was why he was so different. One of those things I noticed in canon right away. Angel had NO control over the demon really even with the soul. His only method to control it was to avoid people as much as possible even Buffy.
with the example of Spike and the previous possession of a soul, that Angel’s transformation to Angelus wouldn’t be as evil and filled with terror as one might have first expected. So, wasn’t it a little extreme for Spike to get all demandy about Ms. Calendar becoming Giles’s newest houseguest? And Giles with all the agreeing? Yeah since Buffy hasn't seen just how evil Angelus is with no soul and only Spike as an example of what a vampire could be with no soul...Buffy is far too sanguine about this danger.
Oh yes I can easily see Dru doing just this.
Spike has plenty of reason to suspect Buffy has released Angelus since she was so protective of Angel earlier and never even apologized...only left as if to follow the berk.
Spike has given up all hope of having Buffy's love...his history has taught him that, sadly. BUT he has made friends and that's something he never had in the future he came from. No reason to wonder why he has no desire to take back the wish.
YAY millionaire vamp and comfortable Watcher and Slayers mom. I always thought the Amara treasure a grand waste of potential.
Spike keeps expecting the other show to drop with all of them.
Love how Spike takes the time to really think through the idea of a soul. I think it makes sense that even the demon is okay with the idea (but NOT as a curse) since it was the demon in canon that made that choice.
For sure he had the most fucked up demon a vampire had ever been saddled with. LOL yeah in a way he really did.
Loved this: had swapped her outer vampire wear, shrugging off large brooding soulful purpose for the touch of fire The outer vampire wear just sounds SO young Buffy!
Spike, William the Bloody Awful Poet who just never had what it took to get the girl. Guh...that's likely SO how he felt in canon all the way to the end. How unfair and how stupid the women who couldn't see the treasure he was.
we would consider it an honourable death? Not killed in a car accident, or disease, but by an opponent worthy of our calling. I don't know if Buffy would see it that way but I always did. I always saw Spike taking on Slayers as a warrior looking to take out the best the "enemy" had to offer. Very different from other kills.
Oh poor Spike between Dru and what she must be thinking/planning and how luck so often screws with you it might be time to batten down the hatches.
Yikes...a good enough plan but I don't think I'd want Willow operating on me either (and she totally would have tied his intestines in a bow too LOL). I think Spike made the best choice by just swallowing the ring.
I think it was so sweet that Buffy was so very panicked at Spike in the sunlight. She bashed him against that barrier over and over and I had to laugh a bit.
Oh yes he's taking his time. Buffy is going to be the one to push it I'll bet.
Well she was right to break up with Angel and I love that she really has lost all interest in him. Angel is far too interested in what Spike might be up to and Dru is downright a threat.
Spike's luck might run out and that would be a shame.
Remembering the chance the chip gave him to infiltrate Buffy’s little group, getting to know humans on an intimate level, become their friends. Spike knew that without the chip, he probably would never have had the chance to slow his vendetta against Buffy, not stopping till either or both of them were destroyed. Yes the chip allowed Spike to be around humans as something more than just food. That is all it did but it was important that it did do that.
Knowing Spike, it was probably revenge at Angel himself for leaving the family behind when he was first cursed. Yes because it's ALL about you isn't it? It's not the forehead that's enormous but the ego.
Spike watched the bag as if he was expecting it to stand up and throw itself in the rubbish all on its own. ROFL!
I love Spike having and ENJOYING the ring. Taking all the treasure is also a brilliant move that I can't believe they didn't use in canon.
Love Giles and Spike seaside eating Micky D's fish. I think he's pretty well won over Giles. Buffy is still fighting the trust.
A big beautiful soul made Angel number one good in her book, Buffy it's not a big beautiful soul it's a big dangerous CURSE! Angel isn't all good (on Angel the series I liked that they made that clear). A soul doesn't make someone good either. She really needs to have that spelled out.
I always felt bad when Buffy called Dru names. Dru was damaged so badly by ANGELUS. Yeah Dru was crazy but only because Angelus made her that way. I thought it cruel of Buffy to be so hateful about Dru regarding the madness.
“He hasn’t really been close to happiness since he originally was cursed. Only since he has desired to help Buffy has he changed and tried to minimise the pain he feels from his guilt. Yeah he mostly just avoided humans. They should have noticed how similar his "courtship" of Buffy was to the way he stalked his victims when evil.
Jenny should start that research quickly.
“And you would know who the real Spike is, how?” Exactly! He was around young vampire William the Bloody then Spike for no more than 20 years and except for one encounter during WWII this is the first time he's seen him. He never did know Spike for who and what he was to begin with but even less with almost a century away from him.
Love Spike and Giles getting to know one another. Glad Spike gave serious hints about Angel's curse and about Jenny.
And if that’s how all his threats of “I’m going to kill you” go down, then he’d better stop with the whole evil vampire thing, cause confused much? ... Cause that vampire? That was not an effort to slay a Slayer. At least, not an effort she was familiar with. LOL actually that's true of most of his attempts to kill her in canon. NO way was he really trying!
AHA Xander's attempt at smacking Angel brought out a hint of Angelus. There you go...think about THAT folks. At least he was honest that Spike was a vampire of his word.
Though how he did that when he was always secretly crawling in her window was one for the surprise box Never did understand how that was supposed to be romantic. The Bangels certainly called Spike a stalker and all he did was hover around the tree and try to kill it with cig butts. Angel and his watching Buffy sleep and/or coming into her bedroom thought were romantic?????
Confused Buffy and clued in Dru.
Still re-reading favorites while trying to light a fire under my own muse (hey I have a chapter ready so can't complain...a year of nothing so this is an improvement). What better reason to read some of the very best?
Yup Spike's wish is going to lead to a real chance for making things better all round.
A bit surprised that neither Angel nor Buffy put up TOO much of a fuss about not trusting Spike. Even though Spike's actions should have said it all that rarely mattered with Angel at least.
Love re-visiting this one. I've forgotten just enough to make it feel fresh but remember enough to feel cozy too.