Long-time lurker, first time poster… What a great short! I love how true-to-character all of this feels. Fan fiction is hard because so often I think I’m unconsciously looking to correct something that I didn’t like in the original… but it’s the original that made me care in the first place (gives people what they want rather than what they need). But sometimes… sometimes i find a story like this, that is so perfect that I am happy to embrace that discomfort again. Fascinating and beautiful.
I know you wrote this years ago and most likely have no plans to take it up again. It really works wonderfully as-is. But again, it was intriguing enough to draw me out of the shadows to leave a comment. If you ever find yourself inspired anew, I hope you return to this!
I'm really glad you reached out. It's always lovely to hear that a story touched someone, and even more so after it's been up a long time and feels forgotten. I understand exactly what you mean about part of the attraction in fan fic being "fixing" aspects of the show. But it's also nice to take the characters as they were and explore them further, and of course to play a LOT of "what if..."
I don't have any specific plans to pursue this story further, but I've definitely thought about it, because I want to know what happens next. It's possible that I'll get back in the headspace to continue this (and other stories), because the idea does intrigue me as well.
It definitely gets me thinking again when I hear from readers and find out they are still interested.
This is an interesting short!
Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I think I'd like to get into Spike's head more and explore his complicated relationship with the Scoobies. This was a little experiment.
I decided for your birthday to give myself a present, so I re-read this one that I really, really like.
It was even better than last time!
Hope to see you in the shoutbox or in the most recent stories box: long time no see you there.
Thank you for the lovely story!
Thanks so much! Glad it's still bringing some enjoyment. Miss posting in the shout box and stories. Maybe after the holidays I'll get back into the swing of things. Hope we can join forces again one day.
I enjoyed this and I'm interested in reading more. Let me know if you update it.
Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for taking time to read and review. No sequel in the works yet but it's a possibility.
Ahh, come on. You can't leave poor Spike sat there all alone with his body. Please, please let us know what happens next, you've got to get him together again. Really good start to what I know could be a really great story.
I admit I'm kind of curious myself. Maybe after my current WIP is done...we'll see if the muse can pick up the thread of this one again.
I had to read this a couple of times. For such a short piece, it's deep. We see Spike's self image as he is thrust outside of himself, watching how others treat him. And, where (were I him) I might be angry at how Willow targeted him even though he was in the middle of helping Xander of all people, he doesn't register that as a particular injustice. And as he witnesses and dismisses the ambiguous treatment of his physical body, we see a poignant view of how he accepts mistrust and casual abuse as reasonable. When Buffy does the basic courtesy of protecting his head as they drag him, as a reader I was moved at his gratitude. And, as they left him behind, it made me consider whether, as a vampire and sometime antagonist, did he deserve kinder treatment by people who supposedly are the "good guys"? So very thought provoking; thank you very much.
Thanks for reading and reviewing. I guess Spike is able to remove his personal feelings a bit and see that the basic dynamic for his relationship with the Scoobies is predator/prey, good guys/bad guys, even if he only does that to protect himself from hurting over any personal slight. Just keep telling himself, it's not personal...even though he knows that some of it is.
He also knows he has done things to antagonize them in the past, so...they aren't entirely wrong in mistrusting him. Also, the oddness of this particular situation allows an unusual perspective. He sees them dealing with a him, that both is and is not entirely him.
I admit, I'm curious as to what might happen next and overall, what insight Spike might glean from his observations. For now I have to be satisfied sitting alongside his body with him and keeping vigil.
I wonder what the Scoobies would do if they return and his body is gone....
This very intriguing, I loved Spike observing himself so dispassionately, and the gross details. I really wouldn't mind if this was only a beginning...
Thank you, we'll see what happens AFTER, we finish with HCWTH!
Very interesting to see Spike seeing himself. I love how obviously torn Buffy is about him, and yet can't bring herself to really voice anything positive out loud.
Sometimes we resist sorting out our feelings until we're forced to. In a way I suppose he was easier for her to deal with when he was just a pain in the ass vampire. It's almost like they had a script. I guess Buffy has a harder time with improv! Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Obviously I'd love to see more of this but wow is it good just as a stand-alone!
Sad and tragic across the board.
My feelings on the various actions and attitudes would be different depending on what time in S5 this takes place. After Intervention it reflects poorly on the Scoobies, Buffy and Giles. After Spike helped hide Dawn and Joyce but before Intervention it is troublesome on Buffy's part. Before those events no one can be blamed too much for the stunning lack of open compassion. Early in S5 the view of Spike was colored by his duplicity in the battle against Adam. As that season moved forward though he SHOULD have been earning at least a modicum of respect and compassion.
What I find the most sad is Spike's resignation regarding how they are all acting. good turn or no he was a vampire. He understood But those good turns SHOULD make a difference, Spike is just not seeming to see that he is owed anything.
This was personal, and done with knowing, like tending to the dead. The other…she’d been treating Spike like Spike, “Get up you stupid moron.” sort of thing. That was their dynamic, this was something else again. Yes especially given that Spike has never really seen himself as something dead.
He doubted that any of them would be sorry if he was killed accidently on purpose. But they should. They are the self proclaimed good guys and he was fighting with them. That alone should make them be concerned.
Willow looked around helplessly. Spike knew it wasn’t out of concern for him. It was distress that she had lost control of her power No remorse at all! Her only concern is about herself. This does reflect Willow as magic begins to consume her and her pride in her abilities takes center stage. She is a loose canon really even if she isn't fully off her moorings.
The lack of care used in moving Spike (oh how wonderful they are to deign to move his body out of the way of eventual sunlight! /sarcasm) was appalling. I was glad that Buffy, showing that kindness that Spike mentions in canon, stops his head from being banged and knocked all over! No respect for Spike. No respect for his body, a victim of Willlows scatter shot magic that hadn't been necessary.
THIS: He couldn’t leave himself propped against the wall, alone. What if something happened to him? Even if there was nothing he could do to protect his body from baddies, he still wanted to be there should anything happen. So he sat with himself, an attendant at his own wake. Is profoundly sad to me. Spike alive since approximately 1852/3 and aside from his mother now long gone has no one to give a damn. He is full of love and yet not loved. He is utterly alone.
Thank you. I've mused about when this takes place and maybe it's between S4 and S5, or just before Dawn arrives on the scene. Spike has started to prove himself useful but he's still not trusted, and maybe he's mostly hanging out with them because he has nowhere to do, and has the chip. At least this way he can fight SOMETHING.
It is kind of interesting that after all those years technically dead, he finally gets to see himself, and see them, in how they treat not only his body, but the fact that he's no longer present. They're puzzled, they wonder if it might cause them trouble, but no one is concerned about him, where he is, whether his being is OK or anything. If this happened to one of their own the reactions would be wildly different. He is still just a thing to them, more vocal than a dog, but of less consequence than one. Now here is one more way he's proving himself to be a bother.
His gratitude for Buffy for keeping his head from banging along the ground reminds me of him saying to her late in S5 that he's a monster but she treats him like a man. Well, I never agreed with him there. I still thought she treated him pretty poorly, but he was grateful for it. I wonder if Willow will try to figure out what went wrong or if she'll just leave him there to his own devices...
He really was lonely, just wanted someone to belong to and a mission of some sort. Like all of us.
This was brilliant. I loved it & since I'm a greedy bitch I hope there is a next part. Regardless this was a great read.
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. I really don't know if or when another part might show up. It is an intriguing idea, so maybe I'll get lucky.
I enjoyed your one-shot and I'd like a follow-up.
The Scoobies do not know how to deal with Spike's state and so they basically deal with it by not dealing with it. Sadly that's very much in character of them when it comes to Spike.
Spike trying to attach to his body made me smile
Spike trying to reattach to his body reminds me of Peter Pan trying to reattach his shadow using a bar of soap. You're so right about the scoobies. Not dealing with something if they aren't forced to is their primary MO. Maybe that's the only way to stay sane on the Hellmouth. Reserve emotional resources for emergencies and I guess a comatose vampire isn't a priority...or is he?
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Good description of the things Spike saw. The way his body locked while "unconscious" disturbed him some. Without the thing that makes him what he are, it's just a body. If he got his body back, this could lead to him leaving. Or maybe not, he already seems to have some feelings for Buffy.
This is kind of ambiguous. I think that at this point his feelings for Buffy are vague. He probably recognizes having some feelings for her below the belt, so to speak, and a respect for her strength and even her character. They might technically fight on opposite sides, but even so, warriors respect strength and commitment to duty. I do wonder what he would see if he continues to hang around and if his inclination would be to stay and help, or if he'd realize there is truly nothing for him there.
If some nasty comes along and finds his body lying there, I wonder if there is anything supernatural Spike could do on his own behalf...
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
That was very interesting and I'd love to read more!
Glad you liked it. Not sure if or when I might pick this one up again. though it does seem kind of unfair to leave him in this state.
This needs to be a catalyst for him leaving. Seriously, write a small sequel with him telling them off.
Yeah, I really don't know what would happen if he gets back into his body. Probably depends on how long he's in this state and what else comes to pass. Many times I thought Spike should truly leave SD and shake the dust from his feet of a place that has witnessed so many spectacular kickings of his ass. If it wasn't for that damn chip...hey though, I wonder if maybe this experience might have disabled the chip....heh heh hee **rubs hands together in glee
Thanks for reading and reviewing
What a delicious thought. And yes, no love is worth that amount of abuse.
I wish you would consider writing more to this little perfection. Such an interesting idea. I loved the part about Spike seeing himself after all these years. Also how he would think negatively of anything the Scoobies say even when they show concern.
I really don't know if this one is going to go anywhere or not. Right now my mind is too wrapped up in two WIP's, so we'll have to see where the muse goes once the dust settles. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Oh, I hope this story's muse whispers something in your ear. I particularly like Spike seeing what he looks like.
I'm glad you like the premise. If enough people are curious, maybe when I get my WIP done I'll see if this one goes anywhere. I do love me some character studies and this is ripe for the picking. I liked that bit as well, and how he noticed how he looks so small in his big coat. This might end up altering his relationship to himself as much as it does his relationships with the Scoobies.
Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Oh, I like this premise! I love all the Scoobies' awkward realizations that they could stake him or just leave him to be burned by the sun...but they don't really want to. Spike's thoughts on his own body are interesting. I imagine it would be really disconcerting to see yourself from the outside. Even mirrors don't really show you what other people see.
Thanks. It was interesting to muse along with him, and it has the added interest of him truly not having seen himself for all that time. Plus, a silenced Spike. We don't get to see that very often eh? Not sure if/when I'll do anything more with this, but I thought even if I don't it was an interesting little stand alone. It might be interesting to see how it would affect their feelings and potential relationship if Spike stayed in ghost form for awhile. He could be a fly on the wall and Buffy (and the Scoobs, get to find out if life is sweeter without the pain in the ass vampire hanging around or if they end up missing him. They might all come to a different appreciation for each other.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!