I was so involved I clicked 'next' before leaving my review. Excellent chapter! Buffy now knows she can do some sexy stuff, but is still stuck on that soulist nonsense. Now let's see if that's Oz that just got dropped in the tank with them!
Well, Spike's making her use her brain about it all.
“Do it again,” she whispered. - Oh, Buffy... this entire scene was achingly, beautifully done. A young woman who doesn't know much about her curse or her body and who feels ashamed by pleasure and can't separate it from actual evil thoughts... her poor head is so muddled. Thank goodness for a loving and (as needed) kind partner to help her through it.
And also.. I sort of want to slap her still, for demeaning Spike's feelings as not real, when all he's been doing has been TEACHING HER HOW TO FEEL (well, feel coherently). Sigh.
But it wouldn't be Buffy if I didn't simultaneously feel for her and want to slap her, I guess.
but it was too fragile, too precious to try and pin down. If you put a pin in a butterfly, or even a night-flying moth, it dies. - lovely writing.
.... Oh shit. I think Oz just arrived.
She needed SO much, and wanted so desperately.... Thank god for Spike, really. He gets it. He understands.
But Spike taught Canon Buffy how to feel too, and she dismissed canon Spike as well. It's a normal character trait for poor confused Buffy.
Leave it to Spike to be thinking about matters of the heart while in the belly of the beast. Priorities don't change and he's always been that way. As a human he preferred to think on things of beauty and as a vampire he is still love's bitch. He both leads with his heart but also thinks through its filter. Poor sod.
Buffy was golden and vibrant, a sunlight of a creature, compared to Dru’s moonlight of ethereal pale darkness. Love this accurate description.
Because once again he found himself in the arms of, and trying desperately to care for, one of Angel’s girls. True in canon and true here. Buffy was so badly damaged by Angel either way.
Poor Spike thinking she was asleep and declaring his heart only to have her react so forcefully and predictably “Shut up!” she snarled. “Shut up, no you don’t!” She isn't ready to accept that a soulless vampire can love for one thing. She also isn't up to letting anyone in at this point. She has shielded her heart and he's making breeches that terrify her. “Is that what you wanted?” Slayer snapped at him when she was done. Much easier to tell herself that the words were a manipulation, a way to get sexual gratification from her. Poor Spike deserved better for a first encounter with her but at least he doesn't seem to feel violated.
Why can’t you be evil, for god’s sake, if you’re going to be evil! That would be nice and convenient wouldn't it? Her whole view of black and white that has been pretty much unchanged even though she is now a vampire as well. The soul is still what she clings to as being the divider just as she did where Angel was concerned. Spike has always put a spanner in the works where that was concerned and she has terrible difficulty dealing with a world with a full spectrum of colors including greys.
She is so lucky that Spike does understand her so very well. He also knows the source of so many of her issues. No. Slayer was strong. She was torn up inside, just like Dru was, but instead of her mind, it was her heart Angel had shattered. Exactly. He is also right that Angel makes the messes but does nothing to stay and deal with them afterward. The whole reason he was turned was so they could pawn Dru off on someone else.
Well written fight scene with the kerberos and great description of the creature too. Poor Spike already running on low blood wise and now envenomed. Lovely slurring way of showing how weakened he is too. They are both in need of a decent feed.
Whenever she hungered for how he’d torture her. I had to play how he’d turned her, over and over again, and I don’t like doing it!” He rolled off Buffy and stared back at the ceiling. He’d never realized how much he’d hated doing it until now. “Never again,” he murmured. “Not replaying how he turned you, not doing it.” Yes that's how it would feel to him given how she was turned. Buffy's motivations are not the same as Dru's were but they would feel that way to Spike.
A werewolf! When I first read this I though...GOD NOT OZ, hope it's Verucca. Yeah this is muddy territory for Buffy. Werewolves were a challenge to the black and white from the start and not just because of Oz. Human for all but 3 nights of the month and likely souled they were demons but not. Now when they have something with human blood (which they badly need) she's going to be torn. Spike is more practical. He needs to feed and this werewolf is not some innocent at least not at the moment. I know what his choice is going to be. They are going to have to kill it anyway after all, don't waste a food source.
Yeah, Spike has terrible timing when it comes to falling in love. Terrible.
No, Spike doesn't feel actively violated (I don't think that's an easy thing for him to feel, given his history with Drusilla, Darla, and of course Angelus) but fortunately the sexual encounter didn't end there, either. I think if it had it would have been harder to accept.
Spike is, of course, PAINFULLY confusing for her. Even with her own current role, trying to keep vampires from killing, she knows they're doing it for a reason -- she gave them incentive. Spike's incentive is completely invisible to her, and she is finding it painful to think that it might actually be some form of altruism. That cannot be! And if he's like that, why wasn't Angel? Even as a vampire herself, she can't wrap her head around it.
The problem with Oz. vs. Verruuca, Veruca KNEW she was killing people, and didn't care. That's a corrupted soul right there.
Poor Spike, in love with the wrong person at the wrong time. He sees the similarities between then and now. Once again he has to take care (and love) people that Angelus has broken, trying to heal them.
Spike admitting he love her got a strong reaction from Buffy. It's the temptation of course, if she can pretend that he can't feel and is acting evil all the time, then it's easier for her to resist. It's also a temptation to get rid of the soul. If Spike is able to love and not acting evil without a soul, why should she allow herself to be miserable with one? It's the fear of what she can do that makes her worry so much for losing the soul.
I like how Spike said that he didn't want to play at being Angel. That poisoning brought som memories he didn't like.
A werewolf, will this be Oz then? Even if it isn't, I can see a lot of problems from Slayer about this.
Spike is in a bad space. He's kinda stuck... Literally and in all figurative ways.
Another excellent chapter! I'm really enjoying your story. You have an incredible talent for writing Buffy and Spike.
A werewolf...I didn’t expect that. I can't wait to see what they will decide to do. I think that will be a big problem for Buffy. Usually in those situations, morality loses its meaning. Self-preservation and/or feelings take over. So I'm really curious. And I hope the werewolf isn't Oz.
Aww, thank you very much!
This is a shade of grey do what you have to situation, it really is.
I can't decide which one of them is more miserable right now. The only thing either of them has going for them is the growing trust and selfless support from the other one.
So now Buffy knows Angel either lied about the curse, or didn't bother to look into it closely enough, but she's not yet prepared to admit that his argument insisting that soulless demons can't love is so much bullsh*t...
And I thought it couldn't get worse. I thought wrong. If this is Oz... Oh boy...
Buffy thinks it wasn't looked into well enough. Which is clear. And I'm SURE she finds that annoying.
Brilliant chapter! I love love loved this one, because Spike finally vocalised his feelings! And it was done in such a beautiful way. I am thoroughly enjoying the storyline, your Spike is phenomenal, and you've got me liking vamp!Buffy. So well done! Looking forward to your next update.
Yeah, Spike couldn't keep it quiet for much longer. He was pretty much stuck from the moment it happened. He can't keep his mouth shut when it comes to how he feels....
Oh, and I'm SO glad I got you liking at least this vamp!Buffy.
Can we please make the werewolf Veruca and not Oz?
And as for the initiative, are they trying to see what it will take for Spike and Buffy to turn on each other?
Also, Spike's confession of love might have been sweet if they weren't in a cage, and if Buffy wasn't emotionally ruined at the moment from her time with Angel. I hope some of it got through to her, but its hard to say.
But Spike’s heart had always been an elusive and impetuous creature, and it had decided,Now!
I loved that line, and think it is a most fitting way to describe Spike's nature and overall actions.
Thanks for another great update!
Wretched Spike heart, impatient thing, can't choose a better time or place...!
A werewolf, I hope it isn't Oz , either way, oz or not Buffy won't be happy to kill it. (Veruca maybe?) love the fluff and the sexy times. Also love Spike opening up while poisoned.
Everything happening at once. Gotta love the fluffy sexytimes.