I loved this story and your writing is beautiful. I loved the weird vampire stuff and the authenticity of the story! It put me in mind of the end of the Ever After movie, the narrator concludes the film with something along the lines of “and the truth of the matter isn’t that they lived happily ever after, but that they lived”.... belief is power and maybe there just is a Buffy and Spike out there just living their life together and that makes me happy ( and probably a but weird!) wonderful, original story, thank you xx
Thank you for taking the time to let me know you enjoyed the story. This story is close to my heart, and the fact that you found it authentic is the icing on the cake for me. My main goal in writing is to write stories and characters that feel real and believable. I love being able to relate to characters and lose myself in a story because it feels like it's actually happening. So often, I have found, that when I research a movie or story that is "based on reality", the reality is more interesting than the jacked up movie version, and that set me off on the trail of "what if...Buffy and Spike were real".
Thank you for taking that journey with me! Hope your holidays are Spuffyriffic!
Can't stop reading this story. What a reunion in chapter 21! I found it thrilling. Each one seems more intense than the last. Buffy doesn't seem to see Spike/Wiliam's vulnerability. But I love that she is tough and down to earth. I admire her ability to carry on with her life and keep plugging away after each reunion. That takes guts and good sense. Coping with being a former Slayer and with the deaths of two young Slayers...
These two are like no other lovers I have read or seen. So full of their own quirks and personality, so fresh and off-kilter and fabulous. This story always surprising me.
Family dynamics are wonderful too. Closeness and distance with family and friends al feels so real.
Yey! Real is what I aim for. Making supernatural characters real was a daunting challenge. I had to let myself sink deep with Spike's character... because his decades of experience and all he's lived through had to come through.
My stories are always character driven so I can never use them as puppets to tell a story I've dreamed up, they always lead the way with who they are. It makes writing fascinating because I don't know what's coming. I learn their back story as we bounce along.
Of course, getting to spy on Buffy and Spike as they figure it out was delicious.
Reading about this Spike, I had this thought: that he is written as immature in so much of BTVS and ATS, like a sulky teenager. Yet I find your version more convincing.... living so long, he has a lot of smarts and experience, in dealing with life and with people, a lot of worldly knowledge, a lot of personal charisma and powers of seduction. He has intense vulnerabilities too. But in the show I think Joss and the other writers had a lot of ambivalence about him. They weren't character-driven, they were plot-driven, focused of course on their heroine's story, and also ideologically driven. And my view, after all I've read about Joss, is that he has brilliant ideas, writes brilliantly, and knows how to write emotional climaxes that hurt. But I'm not convinced of his understanding of people and all their grey complexity. And I think his attitude to gender dynamics is shallow. What I saw was a man claiming to be the ultimate feminist (despite his own pecadillos) but all he did was reverse the gender abuse... instead of Buffy and the other female characters being stripped naked and beaten and humiliated, he took delight in repeatedly stripping Angel, and particularly Spike naked and beating and bruising and humiliating him -- with absolutely no indication that this might be wrong in any way.
But the magic of your story is the commentary on the show from the "real" characters, and the acknowledgement by them, of the restrictions and compromises of creating an episodic TV series.
I've finished your story now. God, that disintegration of her marriage was painful to read and so believable. That being with the wrong person (no matter how nice they are) and having to suppress big important parts of yourself, can literally drive you mad. And shocking to me how quickly Spike was on the doorstep. I was slow (though not quite as slow as Buffy) to realise how much he was really just waiting for her.
I think you rightly put a lot of emphasis on how different his perspective is to a human's because he is not restricted by that limited life. I like also how you have changed the Slayer career path and the relationship between Slayer and Council. (Hey, did we ever find out what really happened to Wes?) There's no way the Council could have been so absolutely useless as they were in the show. I guess Joss was making them the "patriarchy" but so black and white they were kind of tedious.
The Xander/Buffy thing was interesting. Not sure how I feel about it. Clearly and thankfully (to me), you didn't go there in the end. But it was close.
A big thing for me, in reading the story, was allowing these versions of Buffy and Spike to "be" Buffy and Spike, to have them override canon. I have huge problems with a lot of the later canon, so in some ways this was a relief, a wonderful relief. Love your Buffy and Spike's commentary on the show, and how Spike was particularly upset at how Buffy was portrayed in season 6. That made me love him right there. It was helpful initially to think of Buffy from The Wish but I don't think your Buffy was half as damaged as that. But it gave me a visual road in, not girly-girly but tough and down to earth. Not afraid of her sexual side, yet not Faith.
For Spike it was visuals first too, no coat, no white hair..... but still small, compact, devastatingly handsome, seductive, extremely frank, full of heart and soul, a con man. A bit more Alpha than canon Spike. A bit more in control. A bit more Victorian, domestically.
But both of them complex.
Congratulations on this story. I used a lot of ink and paper to print it all out over the past three days, and so glad I have it now to keep. I will read it again in a while.... I always do that with yours, and get more out the second time.
You are a great story-teller.
Just started reading this story a couple of days ago, and I commented in amazement after chapter 1. You wondered how I would react as the story progressed. Well here I am at chapter 20, and it's been quite a ride. My feelings and reactions have been all over the place, frankly. I remembered being very excited about the story in the first few chapters, and also irritated that Spike and Buffy's first sexual encounter seemed a bit perfunctory and one-sided, and yet still so life-changing for her. Spike the great lover and seducer had seemed to take little interest in her satisfaction. I'm glad you didn't ignore that later on. I know from reading your other stories that you don't idealise sexual performance. And also Buffy is such a novice at this point...
I am astounded, in an ongoing way, at the fertility of your imagination, in creating a whole different slant on this world, and in making it so convincing and so real. I love all the shades of grey, and I love the commentary on how the demands of making a TV show distort "real life". I love how Buffy describes her real Spike as a much bigger more intense version of the TV Spike. Because he is. I worried that his appearances and disappearances made him too much like Angel in early BtVS. But I still feel like I don't know this Spike very well. There are glimpses of him. He feels un-Spike-like in that he seems like an alpha male, whereas TV Spike was much more Beta. But at chapter 20, I don't know how much we know him at all, his vulnerabilities. Neither Buffy nor Spike have allowed their real vulnerabilities out. I love this Buffy's relationship with this Joyce. I like this Joyce's combination of toughness and fear and the tentative relationship she has with Spike. And I love what Joyce has said to Buffy about how much Spike has made an effort to meet her on her own terms. Because Buffy hasn't seen it like that. And neither had I. Being in love, being young and vulnerable, wanting to be tough and not too demanding on an unavailable demon lover... it's tough for Buffy. And knowing how she feels gave me a lump in my throat....
Can't wait to see how the story further develops.
I'm really happy that you have stuck with the story! And, considering I'm the author, this might seem strange, but I agree with you on so much of what you shared. So many times while writing this I wondered if I shouldn't take the more expected, more easily pleasing route.
I wondered if this version of the characters would frustrate and piss readers off... but in the end I kept choosing to follow where these characters led and it was never back to the easy or expected story line.
When I sat with the characters and listened to them, their story was gritty and they weren't always heroic in the usual sense. Sometimes the comic relief didn't show up when we wanted it to.
Spike is a vampire with a hard on for a teen girl. At that point he probably thought he wouldn't see her again, he got his rocks off and... somehow she got under his skin.
Like you I love this version of Joyce. I was glad I was able to give Buffy the mother she needed and be true to the story. I think she was a total game changer.
Thank you for taking the time to give such a thoughtful response.
Just started reading this story! It's fantastic. I love this Buffy. She sounds real. Love the differences... completely convinced by your Angel and Spike, in fact prefer them! So far anyway...
I'm curious to know what you will think of the rest of the story. I really felt like I put myself out there with this one, but this is one of my favorites of all the ones I've written. So many times I've read books or seen movies and TV shows "based on" someone's life and wondered how much tinkering was done. It's always a risk taking such beloved characters and digging past the make up, time constrictions, ratings issues, and character arcs to try to find out who they really are underneath. It's always lovely to hear that someone new is reading an old story as well.
This was by far one of the most unique, fascinating and interesting fics I've read in a very long time. This felt "real", very much Buffy, but extra Buffy (does that make sense?). The difference between a documentary and a "based on" movie. Like Buffy trying to find all the pieces to fit together to see the whole.
I loved the style here; loved watching as Buffy grew, but also Spike and the world in a general sense. Loved the thought you put into everything (expanding the lore, giving context to Spike's life and attitude, how relationships could suffer or be more, no matter the intentions).
Loved at the end of day, nothing has a perfect ending, but that doesn't mean its not worth seeing through.
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I loved "letting go" and getting to know them without the pressure of pleasing a TV audience. I think so many of the things that bother us as fans are things they did to pander to ratings etc. I also liked exploring the more human side of these supernatural super heroes, and the issues and complications that arise from Spike having so much history and experience and Buffy being a mortal human.
I really missed these characters when the story came to an end. It's lovely to hear that the characters and story are being enjoyed and contemplated by other fans.
I can't get over this story. I keep coming back to it to try and figure out how you're able to tell this story like this! I love it. The way it's structured is genius. You're able to pack so much information into things without disrupting the narrative flow, and it reads so smoothly. Her voice is so strong and her personality comes out so clearly but she's still able to grow and we can feel it in her changing voice.
But what really gets me is the ability to jump around in time without confusing the plot. You're moving the plot forward, interjecting comments to the reader, passing judgements on the events from adultBuffy's perspective, relaying information, keeping readers emotionally engaged in what's happening, AND you're still able to convey Buffy's growth throughout the story with her subtly changing narrative voice. You give clues to the future without giving anything away. I seriously can't get over it. In case you haven't noticed I may be a little obsessed with this story.
Thank you so much for taking the time to let me know you enjoy this story. I admit this one is very close to my heart. It was challenging to write, partly because of issues you mention, and also because I was uncertain of how it would be received because of the ways in which it deviated from canon and because it's not overly flattering to our favorite characters. But realism is my favorite genre to write, and this was a story that I really wanted to tell.
So many of the issues I have with the program I realize are related to the fact that the writer's had to write for ratings, rather than continuity, character development and arc, etc. It was really thrilling to throw caution to the wind and combine our reality with the supernatural in a different way. This story allowed me to answer some questions that had been knocking around in my mind, and try to make sense out of issues on the television show that really didn't make much sense.
As you have noticed, with a strong narrative voice, readers can definitely follow a story that jumps around in timeline etc. I'm glad Buffy had a lot to say. It was so much fun that readers got involved asking questions etc. That was another fun and challenging part of the story, it forced me to address issues that I otherwise would have skipped.
I think a lot about how canon would change without being constrained by television limitations. I love this fic so much. Thank you for sharing it with us all. You give the characters such a strong voice. I think a lot about Spike waiting patiently for Buffy to “get over herself”. Spike having patience for Buffy makes so much sense because he’s semi-immortal. He has time to wait for her to grow up. And Buffy being insecure and needing reassurance but Spike not humoring her is such a fantastic detail to include. It’s such a realistic couple detail. The more times I read this the more I love it. And there’s really a subtle shift in voice when Buffy is a teen to being an adult. It’s still recognizably Buffy but calmer and more understanding and less afraid. Okay I’ll stop gushing now. I just love this one.
Such a bittersweet ending. I enjoyed this story so much I didn’t want it to end.
I wanted to see how Buffy’s mortality and Spikes immortality worked out, maybe see a bit more talk about that. I feel like there was so much we didn’t know about Spike because of Buffy’s fears about asking which I totally get. But I guess I’m just so nosy I wanted to know anyway.
his history was so different vs Spike on the show. I found it fascinating but it also left me wondering about a lot of things too. In my mind I’d like to think they created or found some dimension where they could live forever together and Buffy would stop aging.
I guess after years of reading so much FF I’m a bit spoiled and don’t have to face the realism that there was going to be a time where he would exist without her.
and that realistically, after existing for so long, to think he’d jump out into the sunshine or die just because she wasn’t in existence any longer is a bit unrealistic. Especially if he waits around until she’s dies of old age. At that point he’d probably be excited to get back out there.
I see this realistically but it makes me so sad. I finished this story last night and knew I needed to sit on my thoughts for a bit before commenting.
because I truly loved this story and all the time and effort you put into it. It was certainly thought provoking and interesting and different. I think we got spoiled on them in the series, Spike especially. His all consuming border-line obsessive love with Buffy. That it was a little difficult to read him not that way.
toned down. normal male. sometimes indifferent.
As hard as it was to digest at certain points I’m so glad to have read a different perspective. And I’m so thankful that you devoted so much time to sharing this part of their story. It really was a wonderful read.
in happy spuffy land I’m just not so used to being in such turmoil that doesn’t truly resolve at the end. And I think that it’s good that it didn’t resolve or you didn’t end it with flowers and hearts because that wouldn’t have been true. And I’m glad you ended it true.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story and this very different take on Spuffy. Part of the fun of fanfic is that we can play out their happily ever after in so many different satisfying ways, and that's why we read and write it, so this was definitely veering off in its own direction. A completely different kind of "what if?.."
It is more in line with S6 where real life was the Big Bad.
It was really interesting for me to explore the subject of mortality, which can be both friend and foe. As you point out, they may be able to find a dimension where they could be together for longer, or for eternity, but I wonder if they would choose that. If they would be willing to leave behind this world, and their loved ones for a different kind of together someplace else.
This story was very thought-provoking for me, and I think for the readers as well, from the various responses I received. It was also fascinating having the Q and A. I had to find answers that I didn't have when I wrote the body of the story, which simply provided that much more food for thought.
I think if Spike and Buffy had met when he was a much younger vampire, things would have been different. He might have felt she was his one and only true love and dusted himself at her passing, but he already had the experience of outliving generations before he met her. He already knew that the world keeps turning with or without us.
Their relationship on the show was never a healthy one, and as much as I love their energy and chemistry, that is always a painful and disappointing reality. I think in my stories I try to address that, and try out different ways that they might be able to have a healthy supportive relationship. For me that's the challenge, to discover if there is a dimension somewhere where they can have a happily ever after, being who they are.
I'm glad you appreciate the ending being true to the story, that's very important to me. It's one of the reasons that I don't post stories until I have them completely written, because I don't want to be influenced by the reactions and thoughts of the readers. I want the stories to be what they need to be and tell what they need to tell and explore what they need to explore and never turn into a "choose your own ending". That's just my own hang up and I realize it's not how all writers operate and that letting the readers influence the story can be a different kind of fulfilling experience.
I realize that no story or characterization is going to be satisfying to all my readers, and that's ok. Even as the writer I sometimes feel frustrated and occasionally devastated by something the characters do or fail to do, but that also makes writing worthwhile. I grow with every story I write. I learn and feel and struggle. I am really honored that my readers take the time and investment of emotional energy to journey through the stories with me. It's a risk because we don't always get the experience we want or expect, but I hope that I am able to make the journey worthwhile.
Woah! I can’t believe he was gone for so long. It’s a little shocking to me, even though time is different for him, that he’d be willing to miss so much with his humans. Since they have such a small lifespan and he has such limited time with them.
but if we’re being real I can see how that’s more realistic then him giving it all up and being perfectly content working some night shift job to keep buffy and Becky in house and home.
I so desperate to know where this ends or how it ends because I just keep feeling like there can’t really be a happy ending... can there?
It was really interesting to me how this played out. Buffy had hung up her stake and retired, but Spike still has his "work" to do. He has a calling and it's important to him, and to the well being of the human race. Unlike Spike in the show who was happy enough to sell out the Scoobies to work with Adam, and who was always out for himself (until Buffy and Dawn), this Spike has a greater calling.
I think the time thing comes to play here in the sense that he does deeply love Buffy and Rebecca, but he knows that something larger is at stake, at eternity, the future of the human race, and who knows what in the spiritual realm. I suppose it's the decision that any soldier makes to be willing to give up time with their loved ones and even their lives to protect something greater than themselves. He also knows that Buffy is strong and resourceful and that she will be ok while he's gone.
Something I appreciate about writing stories/novels is that I don't have the pressure of TV ratings and having to have a story for next week, so I can let things play out in a different way. It allows for more subtleties and questions and I have the time to let things unfold over the longer arch, not just this season because we don't know if we're going to be renewed.
In a way, I get to experience what Spike does compared to Buffy. As a mortal, she lives more like a TV show, and he is more like a character in a story that can go on as long as it needs to. She has to solve things in a quicker time frame, choose her battles more carefully, and live and love in a shorter time frame. It creates more drama and pressure.
I am so enjoying getting to see their lives as they evolve into a new family unit. Usually when the characters come together the story ends there and you don’t get to see any of the beautiful ever after. Thank you for continuing on and sharing what life looks like after.
This definitely isn't a typical romance story, and I found the building a family part really intriguing. Like they have all the issues any regular family has, plus the "My step dad is a vampire" thing going on.
Finally, I would love to hear more about Spike from Spike, maybe through dialogue with Buffy. I still feel like he’s so unknown. What was it about her that caught his attention? Where did he see this going from the start? Has he ever shared a life with a woman like this before?
I'm really curious about all that as well, but I realize that writing that story will be a huge undertaking and investment of time and energy and I haven't been able to make the space available for that to happen. Maybe one day...
Wow, every little bit of this was so difficult to read.
Life is like that. Experiences that we think should be joyful can be the most difficult and stressful, and sometimes really painful experiences end up being really good for us. Sometimes I get discouraged while writing, because the story and character get in a really painful place, but I have learned that writing through is the remedy, to see where it leads. I've learned to apply that to my life as well...just keep on and see what happens next.
Stay, if I was Buffy. I would stay with him. How could she leave? I mean they seem so impossible at this point but...
That's the thing about relationships, the timing has to be right. Right person, right timing, right frame of mind...it all has to come together. She wants a normal life, and she knows that he is likely to keep disappearing...she's young and idealistic. This chapter broke my heart...sigh
Loved this chapter and just wanted to let you know that near the bottom of the chapter you accidentally wrote Willow instead of Wendy. d84;a039;
Thanks for the head's up! I'll have to go see about editing that!
Big sigh of relief that the leg was in the shed! Gosh, to get inside Spikes head!
When I started writing this particular part of the story, I had no idea how Buffy was going to get out of it. I knew that Spike couldn't have sold her out, but had no clue what the solution was. I know what it's like to be that age and experience utter humiliation and heart break, and I really wanted that sense of disbelief and betrayal to come through. Like, it wasn't bad enough that she is just a kid fighting these supernatural battles, then on top of it the guy who screwed her brains out is handing her over to the enemy...I cheered when it turned out his leg was missing! Partly because whew! he didn't sell her out and partly out of relief as a writer that a solution presented itself!
Heartbreaking to hear how good Spike is at leaving. But I am loving the character development.
It was very interesting to take the time to consider how time passes for a being that has the potential to be immortal. When we are teenagers, the span between Monday and Friday seems like forever, we get grounded for a weekend and are sure our lives are going to be wrecked forever. Miss a dance and it's the end of the world. But what it is like for someone who's lived for centuries, seen wars, seen countries and generations of people come and go. I really liked the juxtaposition of her being so young and him having experienced so much, yet there being an irresistible pull between them.
Loved how real their first coupling was. I want to get in his head so bad but am so enjoying reading Buffy’s perspective.
I totally let the characters lead on this one. It was fascinating for me as a writer to just let Buffy tell it herself. So often in the show she just had to shut up and take whatever, and listen to people judging her decisions and behavior and telling her she had to be more than she was. I really wanted her to have the chance to share what her experience was, with no one putting their two cents in.
This whole cat fiasco was hysterical. Also, imagining that Spike looks anything different than James is so wrong. 😂
Yeah, this story jumped right into "let's offend everyone right off the bat!". with cats being killed, Spike not looking exactly like our Spike, etc etc. I kept waiting for readers to throw shoes at my head, but they were amazingly supportive and accepting.
Just finished Blank Check and you have certainly roped me in with this one already!
this is such a brilliant jumping off point and again, I’ve never seen Spuffy take this direction before. I’m so impressed with how original you are and such a fan of yours already.
i love that you chose to never have angel as a love interest and that dawn isn’t such a key character. I also love that one of her first sexual encounters was with Spike and that they were hot and heavy from day 1. I can’t wait to see where this goes!
I'm so glad you found this story and are enjoying it. I admit, it's one of my favorites. It allowed me to indulge my love of realism while still including so many elements of the show (and a dash of originality). I found some aspects and explanations of the Slayer history and the Council really frustrating and unsatisfying, and Buffy's role was so relentless...fight till you die. I liked the idea of there being some other way...
I also liked not having to be PC, and let the story tell itself, because life isn't PC, and life doesn't ask permission. I wanted to be true to my characters without having to have them be wiser, better and smarter than the average bear. People are full of contradictions, it makes us interesting. Hope you enjoy the rest of this crazy tale!
Wow. I'm so taken aback by the concept of the story, and the way you wrote it with the voices of the characters bringing them to life, and then aging them over the two decades. It was a lot of fun being in your world.
I think you are one of the best writers on here. How insane is it that you have this kind of talent and we get to benefit from it?
A lot of really good stories on here never address the fact that Buffy would simply age and die before Spike and how that effects their view of life and love and the way they come together. I loved how you tackled that. And I just loved this line: “Tell me where we can be together. Tell me, and I’ll meet you there.”
Thank you so much. I really loved writing this story, because it allowed me to explore some issues that could never be addressed on the show and really let my imagination run free. Somehow bringing them into the "real" world added a new dimension for me because it was no longer a case of just buying into the premise the show presented to us. The interaction with the readers and having Buffy respond to questions was also a real delight, and I was touched by how people got involved.
Thank you for your compliments on my writing, it's lovely that I get to share my stories here! I love how encouraging this site is for writers of all genres, ages and skill levels, and it's great to be part of that.
You have probably guessed by now that realism is my style, which is kind of funny for someone writing fanfiction about the supernatural, but there it is. People here have been very supportive even when I go out on a limb or all human or wherever else my creativity takes me. You are a joy to write for!
Thank you thank you thank you for this! I’ve just read the whole thing end to end! Only pausing for sleep! I admit to having to keep reminding myself that this is still fiction! Fab idea and beautifully written. I’m gutted it’s over!
I'm so touched by your wonderful words, and so happy that you enjoyed it. This story is VERY close to my heart and while writing it was emotionally exhausting, sharing it was a joy. I was sad when it ended too and hope, at some point, to write Spike's version of HIS story. I loved getting to know these somewhat earthier characters and this tougher version of Joyce. I'm glad to hear that it brought some joy to you as well. Hugs!
For all his chaotic behaviour i can definitely see Spike beeing a strict and old school father.. not just because he is coming from another time period but because it's something he wants to do right...
I would guess that over the decades he's seen a LOT of different parenting styles and formed pretty firm ideas about how he'd do it if/when he got the chance. I do wish we knew more about the children who "called" him father and the role he played in their lives. I'll bet in his earlier, younger, wilder days he was rather different. It was really fun to get to explore this aspect of his personality.
Oh wow, talk about the plot thickening ... i'.m holding my breath for the explosion ..
Yup, something's gotta give...right? We're definitely seeing Buffy's feet of clay, and her learning that life without the supernatural is just as challenging, surprising and exciting as fighting demons. Perhaps it's even harder because we can't automatically identify bad guys and paste the blame on some ugly evil thing. Just a bunch of humans doing their level best with good intentions.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Yes, it's definitely harder .. there are a lot more shades of grey, a lot more unclear or could-go-either-way decisions to evaluate and take.. and most times you have more time to decide and more time to brood about it. It's not "we don't have much time left/the world is ending/decide now" but more like questioning yourself and your decisions and paths for longer times..
I remember a time when i was questioning myself a lot about a path i took and whether it was the right one and whether i should go back and turn on my path and i read something: " no matter what decision you take or for which path you decide, there will come a time when you will have a crisis and ask yourself whether it was the right one." I found that very freeing at the time because it made it easier to come to peace with the decision i took, even if at some point i might find it to be the wrong one..
I must admit, i did not expect Buffy to get married and have a baby although i completely understand her and i'm happy she made it so far.. i thought william would turn up before that.. i wonder where he is...
I like your description of her ambivalence.. . You're not just giving her fluffy all-is-wonderful pregnancy feelings..
This story really sucked me in..
Buffy really jumped on board the "normal life" boat and paddled with a vengeance. This part of the story very much surprised me while I was writing. I didn't expect it to take Spike nearly this long to show up again, and was getting panicky the deeper Buffy got into a life without him. I had no idea how, when or where he might emerge again or how Buffy was going to integrate him into this new life she created for herself. But as real life always does, things work themselves out. Not always easily or painlessly, but somehow we muddle our way through.
This story never took the easy route and I felt like I was on a roller coaster the entire time I wrote it. I kept waiting for readers to revolt, but people have been great about it. I guess we've all experienced just how awkward being human can feel.
This was indeed a great chapter .. i loved seeing Buffy experiencing, searching and contemplating her ways.. although she seems lost , i don't think she's that at all.. she searches for a direction and tries new things out and does that in a very mature and pragmatical way.. i'm not sure she could be so mature in her twenties inspite of all her experiences but it was very interesting to read her thoughts..
She is also looking back as she tells her story, so it's possible that she wasn't as aware of what she was doing at the time, but in hindsight realizes that was what she was up to. I think she had some level of awareness/choosing due to her close brushes with, and de facto death. She didn't have the sense of immortality that many people experience at that age, and realized that she needed to be intentional.
I loved being able to explore the sister's relationship when Slayer duty was a thing of the past, and also to explore how the "girls" related to Joyce each in their own way. Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Arghh.. gut wrenching chapter.. but also beautiful and strong in its own way..
i would have screamed, kicked, ran myself tired for miles and miles, than listened to angry music, than melancholic music and than whipped my tears and my nose and probably started rearranging my closet.. all after his leaving and in the privacy of my own four walls..
I want to believe that he can walk away the way he does because time has a different meaning for him, but still...ugh. Yeah, Buffy is way better at accepting "what is" than I usually am. On the other hand, he does always come back...
Thanks for reading and reviewing. I hate "goodbye" sex myself, it's always so melancholy. I've been in two long distance relationships...NEVER AGAIN!
Wow! Another amazing and intense chapter!.. i'm keeping my breath here (while going on with my every day business..:)) and yes, where is that damned vampire??
Glad you liked it, this was a doozy to write. Spike will show up, in his usual manner....when he sees fit. I kinda love how it happens...sigh. Thanks for reading and reviewing!