Wow, this was intense and deep. I need to take a break here before reading on, I admit. I really admire how you can strip down the characters psychologically And physically At the same time! Gods, this is very good, thank you for writing.
I get needing a break — this chapter was a tough one — but the next one is comparatively light. This function of this story is to take them both down psychologically to their core — start with a reset of Buffy the cheerleader and Spike the poet, move the power structure to Buffy in charge, then Spike in charge, and then... well, the rest tears them down even further.
Ah, nothing makes me quite as heart-sad as season 6, and mixed with that perfect poetry and the fantasy that will not quite take them away from reality, one of the more poignant smut I've read in a while. Seems fitting for season 6, that's for sure! Lovely work, I'm glad I found this (while it also jabs into my heart). Thank you for posting!
Oh, this story is season six all the way. All the beauty, the pathos, the hunger. And in this case, poetry! This story was my attempt at dark erotica, and I’m glad it caught you.
I've read this fic a number of times now and it always packs a wallop. I love that you seem more interested in unpicking emotions and motivations than in mere titillation. Poor Spike, poor Buffy. So perfectly evokes the misery and confusion of Season 6 Spuffy.
Oh, yes, this story can be a gut punch. I carefully wrote it to take Buffy and Spike down to their core, and then totally rend it asunder. Thank you! I'm proud to see you rereading.
Thank you so much for all your amazing fics 💜💜💜
Immortal and Pet are definite top favourites of mine, so with nothing in the reading queue I thought I'd give your short fics a glance. I usually avoid anything under 50k words or so because it's just not enough, but man, your shortest stories are exquisite 😍 Can't believe I waited so long. They read so true to canon and character, tear out my heartstrings in just the right way and flesh out canonical events so satisfyingly.
I left this story for last because it didn't really sound like my kind of thing from the sypnosis. But oh how wrong I was! It's my favourite lol. Everything hot, dark and violent, everything sweet, tender and loving, heartbreak and hope all bundled up together into a story I couldn't put down until I finished it after midnight.
So thank you for so many perfect hours devouring your writing, I'm off to reread it 💙
Thank you! I worked really hard on finding themes for my shorts, and even my novellas (like this one) that encapsulate a thought and make it complete and easily digestible. It's really nice to hear someone enjoyed them!
This is a difficult story, starting light and going to dark, and I'm glad it caught you. Thank you so much for telling me!
Holy cow.... that was.... I cried! Poor Spike. I can see this as a cut scene. The way she used his love... I know she's suffering herself, but she makes him hurt just as much as she does, just to alleviate a bit of her own.
Well done! This is so good!
Yeah, this is a sad one, or ends on a sad note. I try real hard to keep my stuff able to sneak seamlessly into canon. Thank you!
Wow, my poor Spuffy heart is crushed but what an amazing story nonetheless. Nothing quite gives me the feels like season 6 angst.
Yeah, this one does end in a harsh place, but, you know... Season six. If it helps, I wrote Attainathon sort of as an answer to this one. This, the question, Attainathon, the answer, as all that connection gets to a good place in the end. Thanks for reading!
Well that was heartbreaking. There are moments I really really hated Buffy. Both on screen and here. Every time she broke Spike's heart I wanted to bitchslap her. 💔💔💔 I was going to read through your whole series but I don't think I'm emotionally prepared for the last one. Good writing, nice way to add to canon but now I need something fluffy. 😋
If it helps, I wrote Attainathon after this one as a sort of healing balm for the long slow hell I created in Connecting. This one does end on a low note, but... season six! I mean.... Anyway, yeah, I reccomend Attainathon. My "series" are just my canon-compliment stories grouped into seasons, and so not really a "series" as other writers do them. Sorry about the heart break!
No need to be sorry, good addition to canon. I'll go check out Attainathon. 🙂
No need to be sorry, good addition to canon. I'll go check out Attainathon. 🙂
I don't think i ever reviewed this! I really like this fic. I really like how it starts off kinda light and smutty... then suddenly gets really real.
Yeah, the heat and the passion slowly draw them down to reality... until the reality crushes them and they both rubberband back into pain. Thanks for the review!
Did I review this before? I have this story in my ibooks app, but I think I read it before I started leaving reviews, so here I am to fix that omission. I will definitely be rereading this (probably someday when I feel I need a really good cry), and would then be able to leave a more detailed review; at this point, I will just leave what I added as a note at the end of my epub version, should I ever be looking through my library for something I had flagged as particularly compelling:
Oh, yes, this can be a hard one, particularly since it goes so deep, and gets so close, and then you can see it just... thrown away. "Gutted" is a very good description! Thanks so much for the review!
It refreshed and lost all of my quotes - stupid chromebook so I can't list all of the things that I liked but basically I thought that it was one of the saddest yet oddly touching things that I have read. You are very talented and to be fair there was a warning but it still made me cry.
Yeah, this story got dark and sad fairly quickly. But, you know, chapters 1,2,4, and the first half of six were all very sweet! The others... well. It's season six.
"Queen Fi of the Poorly-Researched-Caliphate." I love it already! :D
"(whose name she couldn’t remember just now." Who could with Spike around?
"King Cardboard" Tee hee hee!!! :D
"He was strong. So much stronger than her stupid ex – sovereign" I love the way that they two stories mix in together. Brilliantly done, feels natural although I'm sure that it must have taken a lot of planning.
Great work. :)
I myself am particularly fond of the Poorly-Researched-Caliphate. Thanks!
Aaaaand you broke my heart. I'm going to go cry in the corner with all of my feels.
But there was that moment there! That moment of honesty! Before, you know, it all fell down around his ears.... Uh... sorry?
It's okay. it was too beautiful to hate and too honest not to love.
This is their most broken selves down to their most deepest core. it was.... there are not enough words for what it was.
Then she said Randy.... and the shift the chance to italics to show it was over. so sharp, so suddenly , so braking. and it was. it was just who there were at that time: broken.
And they both recognize that they are broken, and Buffy apologies for it, and Spike wishes that he hadn't done this, and the last line. the quiet hope that it doesn't have to be like this.
I guess it really was just the perfect end to the story. two broken people almost, but just not able to connect.
Thanks for the hug
Oh. my. god.
This chapter. this chapter.
I have been away for a while and this was the perfect thing to come back to.
The turns this took was so amazing and mind blowing. first, love it was more of spike's pov. second, I thought it would be more of a look at why Spike got turned. what dress him to the evil. then the hitting started and I thought she was mad at Dru, then I thought it was about she letting Spike touch her and her o we n fall from heaven.
But I never saw the connection to Angel till Spike was halfway finished talking, it hit me like a ton of bricks and felt so obvious I couldn't belive that it took me (and spike) so long to figure it out.
The ending was so beautiful, showing her that her love could purify and the bring out good. it really was what she needed. just...wow.
ALso, love the shout out to Effulgence. just the perfect name for an Angel!Buffy
I took the title Effulgence from Diana Wynne Jones's Dogsbody, which was the honorific applied to the star gods. It seemed perfect, given William's joy in the word. This was the center of the whole piece, slowly getting Buffy (and Spike for that matter) to this place where she's completely raw inside. It is in turn building up to the purity of the last chapter which... is AWESOME until just at the end there.
I am so, so glad you enjoyed this piece. This was a tough chapter to write, I'm so glad it hit the way I wanted it to! Thank you!
I've always found it so interesting, and an insight into the core of who Spike is even without a soul, that without his memory he assumes he's a good vampire and has a soul, then you have Angel who, despite actually having a soul, when he loses his memory assumes he's evil.
I love that you went with Joan and Randy for this I love Spike and Buffy, but I think I might love Joan and Randy even more.
oh lord randy reacting to being told he's a hottie hold me
"It came so easily. He kissed her, and she opened beneath him like a flower, no resistance, no demand, just... they fit together, like matching puzzle pieces. He slid inside her, and she slid around him, and it was so exactly what he was thinking that he didn’t even notice at first when she said, “Welcome home.”
When he realized he’d actually heard that, and not just felt it, he looked down upon Joan. He couldn’t think what to say. Maybe, he realized, not saying anything was more important now."
*foetal position, distressed whale noises*
"It was exactly what he’d wanted.
He wished he’d never asked."
*more distressed whale noises*
“I tried,” he managed to say.
“I know. But I’m not very good at this sort of thing.” She swallowed. “I’m sorry, William.”
God, they're both so broken. Okay, I'm gonna go curl in a corner and cry now.
I don't know if it was you, or someone else, but I've gotten distressed whale noises from my stories before...
And this was the image I had when I started this fic. Basically taking Buffy so deep down that she admits how she feels... before taking it away again. "I love you... but only in this game." She just can't face the reality of it, but the truth in the lie IS true.
You gotta love Randy and Joan...
"Seductive little tart."
These three words amused me out of all proportion.
“It wasn’t her fault.”
From around this point onwards, I was just crying. That was painful to read, the more so because it wouldn't surprise me in the least if Buffy carried all that guilt around for all those years, and I can imagine Spike realising too late that 'Angel' was a trigger word, but being willing to lance the boil. And I am cry.
And this is where the story has been building to. Taking Buffy down to her core and reaching the center of all her issues. It took a while to get them here... to where Buffy admits she feels evil and blames herself... to where Spike admits he's making her good, and that that's what he wants... to get them there together, with all the pain and torment and down to the root of where they both are... yeah. This is where they were headed the whole time.
Buffy, never go undercover. Ever.
Sadly, it's all too easy to imagine that was exactly young William's experience of school.
"Will didn’t answer. Buff was almost terrified that he would, but he didn’t."
I have no intelligent comment to make, but I love this line, in a painful sort of a way.
"This joy, this was disbelief. This was pure surrender."
I feel like there should be more Spuffy pegging stories than actually is the case. The nature of their relationship, and the mess of Spike's... Spike-mess - okay, I typed Spike-ness, but I feel like autocorrect has a point. And Buffy as the Slayer, with her uneasy relationship with power and with her calling, especially in season 6 but also just generally. Anyway, it just seems like something they would do sooner or later, and I'm surprised more people don't write it.
Yeah, she's not good at coming up with random names....
I actually figure that the sexual stuff wasn't part of his experience personally. I think he was such a damn innocent, it was going on all around him, and it wasn't until after he was turned that he looked back and thought, "Hey, wait a minute...." But the caning is canon, and it was brutal. Victorian children were brutalized regularly.
As for Spuffy pegging, well... yeah, Buffy has hang ups, but she also has needs. I don't think she'd have come up with it entirely on her own, but I do think it wouldn't take much prodding (heh, prodding) from Spike to get her there.
“Oh, bloody hell. That’s cheating, that is.”
Buffy added puppy-dog eyes. Spike groaned. She didn’t relent.
At one and the same time, I feel sorry for Spike, because we know how he felt about the Bot in the end, AND that is bloody funny because Buffy is too frigging cute.
"that made the bot’s capacitor a bit incapacitated."
Then he pulled her against him, slid his leg over her, cuddling her close. “I love you, you wretched thing,” he whispered to her. The bot wasn’t at all sure he’d stopped crying.
This is where things start to get kinda dark at times, and you start to realize... uh-oh. This could be unpleasant... and indeed begins to become so...
"of the Poorly-Researched-Caliphate"
" The eunuch glared at the ceiling for a long moment with an annoyed look on his face."
I could so see this in my mind's eye...
"She didn’t have to be perfect..
ow unexpected hit to the feels send halp
Ah, yes, I am so proud of the Poorly-Researched-Caliphate. Honestly, Poorly-Researched-Caliphate has been in more stories in this world....
And the first hit to the feels...!
“And, for many a time I have been half in love with easeful Death.”
I love-hate that this poem is so damn perfect for both of them, but especially this line.
Yeah, this was a testing the waters chapter, basically resetting them to original factory settings -- poet, cheerleader. And so it begins....
Oh God, I want to cry. After all of this... the conclusion is that she can't love him without a soul. But she would want to.
I like this characters, because they're real. They're not perfect.
Most authors make Spike so perfect, Buffy seems blind not to see it and stupid not to love him. Or Buffy is so righterous, you want to strangle her. Well, I like it when they have weak points and strong points, when they can fall, can make a mistake... because it's a human thing. And you can't learn if you don't make mistakes.
So yeah, this was a rough trip, deep down the rabbit hole, but they needed it. Needed it to process their past, their mistakes and fears; to process what they feel, what they need. And maybe this was the only way, for them, to process them. Pretend to be another person, to be completely honest with each other and with themselfs.
Thanks for sharing this story :)
Oh, A Certain Amount of Connecting. My dark, tragic, needy, desperate, sometimes fun, angsty, within-canon, season six smut. Where I turn each of them into what they are, or what they could be, and let them have-at each other regardless of the consequences. Spike is not perfect. Buffy is not perfect. But their relationship is real and deep and solid even when it's rocky and painful. I'm so glad you ran through the whole thing. I always thought this collection of almost Alternate Universe, almost All Human, almost twisty timeline, and yet still within the auspices of canon, is one of my more interesting pieces. Thanks for reading!
Really enjoyed! I will definitely go back and read the whole series!!
My "series" are really just sorting mechanisms, because with 61 stories it gets hard to figure out what you're reading. So I put them all in "series" by season, since they almost all could slide in between the bounds of canon. But please, enjoy! And thanks!
Oh Sig, you're such a fantastic wordsmith, I'm fairly sure you could take any concept and make it something incredible.
This was fantastic, absolutely fantastic. I love the way each fantasy reads as its own Spuffy AU, but at the same time you can see the presence of their canon characters bleeding through. Each chapter was so unique, but they all tied together seamlessly - it was a bloody thrill ride! I was particularly moved by the "Be Buffy" chapter, and utterly shattered by Randy and Joan. You can definitely see where Spike gets the idea of a soul making him more worthy. It's so sad to see Randy and Joan's compatibility (as in Tabula Rasa) and know that these are our characters with their burdens stripped away. Must have been very freeing, though very sad for Buffy and Spike to revisit them. I suppose that, ultimately, these wonderful games have done their own damage.
Oh Sig, I'm so out of the Spuffy loop that I feel like even my reviewing skills have gone to pot! Rest assured, one of the best things about returning to the fandom is knowing that I have so many new Sigyn fics to catch up on!
Oh, I'm so glad to see you back! This was a fascinating journey, trying to go down symbolic, surrealistic paths to explore different bits of their psyches and... well... connect. It really does make for a heavier weight behind Spikes, "I seem to recall a certain amount of connecting." No kidding, man!
These games have done wonderful and terrible things for both of them, and ultimately left them right where they were, because it was where Buffy needed to live at that time. But they SAW. And it sets up the intimacy they had in season seven beautifully.
I'm glad you seem keen on reading Sigynfics. Can I direct you toward Fell if you didn't see it before you went on hiatus? You... kind of inspired it, just a bit.