Summary: Buffy and Spike are settled in New Orleans and decide to start a family in a realistic way (as realistic as you can get in Buffyverse). Post-NFA, Buffy POV. This is a response to swifthorse’s challenge. (Beautiful banner by Carrie Ann...)
I really hesitated about writing this story for a lot of reasons. First, the topic is a difficult one because infertility is a personal issue for me. So, writing a fic about Buffy and Spike struggling to have a child hits home on a visceral level. Second, I worried whether I could make this feel like something Buffy and Spike would really tackle together. I wanted the story to feel true to the characters and their journey. My third hesitance was: what if this is a little too real? I mean, it’s not exactly a light topic. My hope is that despite the weightiness, the humor, humanness, strength and love come shining through in the story. If anyone can face this particular demon, it’s Buffy, right? And in my little fantasy, Spike would be right there by her side.
My hope is that the story shines a little light on the oft undiscussed world of infertility and the emotional, physical, and financial toll on couples as they deal with this issue. This story is for all of you…
As to the reunions in this story, they are not straightforward reunions of people, but there are multiple reunions on different levels woven throughout the story. You’ll see as you read.
I can’t thank swifthorse enough for cheerleading me through the fic so far! This story is for you! Thank you to slaymesoftly and Carrie Ann for betaing the first parts, and thank you to Carrie Ann for the beautiful banner (renders by javajunkie247). Title is from the song, "Fight Song," by Rachel Platten.
I’m very nervous, y’all. But here we go…
1. Dear baby by sandy_s - Likes: 30 Comments: 36 Word Count: 724 Hit Count: 8,206 Published: October 02, 2017
Like being lost in the vast, rolling sea with only a small boat to stay afloat, there is a good bit of loneliness in the infertility journey. It helps if you have someone in the boat with you.
2. The night I told your father that I wanted to have a child, Part 1 by sandy_s - Likes: 28 Comments: 24 Word Count: 1,291 Hit Count: 2,262 Published: October 02, 2017
3. The night I told your father that I wanted to have a child, Part 2 by sandy_s - Likes: 28 Comments: 22 Word Count: 1,765 Hit Count: 2,239 Published: October 02, 2017
4. The night I showed your father instead of talking by sandy_s - Likes: 32 Comments: 21 Word Count: 1,299 Hit Count: 2,050 Published: October 08, 2017
5. The night your father and I babysat for Crystal by sandy_s - Likes: 31 Comments: 24 Word Count: 1,467 Hit Count: 1,862 Published: October 11, 2017
6. The night I consulted your Pop Pop and Auntie Willow by sandy_s - Likes: 24 Comments: 14 Word Count: 1,682 Hit Count: 1,784 Published: October 16, 2017
So, I'm still sick and uberly behind at work as a result...but will reply to all reviews soon as I can. Thank you so much for all the kind thoughts and encouragement! 
In this chapter, Spike and Buffy are in their element while figuring out the how to conceive thing...
7. The day that I called your Aunt Dawn by sandy_s - Likes: 25 Comments: 16 Word Count: 1,575 Hit Count: 1,692 Published: October 17, 2017
The second chapter for the week...
8. The night of our plane ride to Denver by sandy_s - Likes: 24 Comments: 14 Word Count: 1,469 Hit Count: 1,621 Published: October 22, 2017
9. The day of the evaluation by sandy_s - Likes: 26 Comments: 14 Word Count: 1,332 Hit Count: 1,542 Published: October 23, 2017
10. The evening of the evaluation by sandy_s - Likes: 26 Comments: 14 Word Count: 1,906 Hit Count: 1,458 Published: October 25, 2017
11. The night before our follow-up appointment by sandy_s - Likes: 24 Comments: 16 Word Count: 2,186 Hit Count: 1,405 Published: October 28, 2017
12. The night Crystal gave me advice by sandy_s - Likes: 24 Comments: 14 Word Count: 1,775 Hit Count: 1,382 Published: November 01, 2017
13. The night I confessed to your father. . . and he confessed to me by sandy_s - Likes: 25 Comments: 17 Word Count: 2,261 Hit Count: 1,365 Published: November 03, 2017
14. The night we flew into Norfolk by sandy_s - Likes: 26 Comments: 13 Word Count: 2,048 Hit Count: 1,327 Published: November 05, 2017
15. The night we met your father’s cousin for Indian food by sandy_s - Likes: 26 Comments: 16 Word Count: 1,924 Hit Count: 1,217 Published: November 08, 2017
16. The night we went to Shane’s condo by sandy_s - Likes: 23 Comments: 14 Word Count: 1,610 Hit Count: 1,189 Published: November 10, 2017
Going to post the rest of the Norfolk chapters this weekend (this one and one more)...
17. The night we got stuck in the Baltimore airport again by sandy_s - Likes: 26 Comments: 19 Word Count: 2,541 Hit Count: 1,144 Published: November 12, 2017
18. The day I bought the vitamins by sandy_s - Likes: 25 Comments: 16 Word Count: 1,734 Hit Count: 1,188 Published: November 14, 2017
19. The night of food and relaxation by sandy_s - Likes: 26 Comments: 16 Word Count: 1,843 Hit Count: 2,247 Published: November 16, 2017
20. The night of the missing meds by sandy_s - Likes: 22 Comments: 14 Word Count: 1,484 Hit Count: 1,130 Published: November 22, 2017
Behind on review responding and writing due to pipe breakage and the holidays, and my baby is sick again (ear infections, awful cough). I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday if you are celebrating at this time of year.
21. The morning of the first injection by sandy_s - Likes: 22 Comments: 12 Word Count: 1,596 Hit Count: 1,081 Published: November 29, 2017
22. The fifth night of no sleep by sandy_s - Likes: 20 Comments: 12 Word Count: 1,597 Hit Count: 1,106 Published: December 01, 2017
Posting a new chapter tonight for two reasons: 1) I'm going to be busy this weekend; we're going to a Charity Ball with my husband and his co-workers and 2) a friend who has been on this journey with me but with many more cycles just found out that her baby is genetically normal, and she made it to her second trimester. So it's a celebration! 
(If you're the praying type, please keep her in your prayers. She needs all the good energy she can get!)
23. The night of the Garden of the Gods by sandy_s - Likes: 21 Comments: 11 Word Count: 1,772 Hit Count: 1,027 Published: December 03, 2017
24. The day of the unexpected trigger shot by sandy_s - Likes: 20 Comments: 12 Word Count: 1,832 Hit Count: 1,030 Published: December 09, 2017
25. The evening in the coffee shop by sandy_s - Likes: 20 Comments: 12 Word Count: 1,736 Hit Count: 939 Published: December 11, 2017
26. The morning of what felt like impending doom by sandy_s - Likes: 20 Comments: 12 Word Count: 1,994 Hit Count: 899 Published: December 15, 2017
A bit of an exciting chapter...
27. The morning of day six by sandy_s - Likes: 21 Comments: 15 Word Count: 1,926 Hit Count: 894 Published: December 24, 2017
28. The day of my now weekly call with Auntie Willow by sandy_s - Likes: 23 Comments: 12 Word Count: 1,954 Hit Count: 869 Published: December 30, 2017
29. A night at the resort in Cancun by sandy_s - Likes: 20 Comments: 12 Word Count: 2,311 Hit Count: 893 Published: January 04, 2018
30. The night of the reduced Lupron and reluctant consumption of beignets by sandy_s - Likes: 20 Comments: 10 Word Count: 2,161 Hit Count: 826 Published: January 07, 2018
31. The morning before embryo transfer by sandy_s - Likes: 19 Comments: 10 Word Count: 1,730 Hit Count: 844 Published: January 13, 2018
32. The morning of embryo transfer by sandy_s - Likes: 18 Comments: 11 Word Count: 1,666 Hit Count: 779 Published: January 17, 2018
33. The second night after transfer by sandy_s - Likes: 23 Comments: 14 Word Count: 1,762 Hit Count: 820 Published: January 24, 2018
34. The morning of the beta test by sandy_s - Likes: 20 Comments: 12 Word Count: 1,755 Hit Count: 784 Published: January 28, 2018
35. The evening of the beta test by sandy_s - Likes: 22 Comments: 15 Word Count: 2,002 Hit Count: 761 Published: January 29, 2018
Posting sooner than later so you don't have to wait to find out the results... 
This is one of the longest days ever, especially after doing IVF when there are so many steps (though if you've been through all 34 chapters before this, you've been waiting, too).
36. The night of the forbidden patrol by sandy_s - Likes: 21 Comments: 13 Word Count: 2,343 Hit Count: 831 Published: February 02, 2018
37. The day of the six-and-a-half-week-or-so ultrasound by sandy_s - Likes: 24 Comments: 14 Word Count: 1,864 Hit Count: 860 Published: February 04, 2018
38. The night Aunt Dawn moved in by sandy_s - Likes: 20 Comments: 12 Word Count: 2,251 Hit Count: 759 Published: February 11, 2018
39. The morning before the big meeting at Christmas-time by sandy_s - Likes: 19 Comments: 13 Word Count: 1,968 Hit Count: 765 Published: February 19, 2018
40. The night of the big meeting by sandy_s - Likes: 16 Comments: 14 Word Count: 2,949 Hit Count: 838 Published: February 21, 2018
Hope you enjoy your parts yellowb and OffYourBird! 
41. Christmas Day by sandy_s - Likes: 25 Comments: 16 Word Count: 3,202 Hit Count: 738 Published: February 24, 2018
42. The night of the Krewe of Endymion by sandy_s - Likes: 20 Comments: 14 Word Count: 2,297 Hit Count: 681 Published: March 03, 2018
43. One night after work by sandy_s - Likes: 18 Comments: 16 Word Count: 2,715 Hit Count: 814 Published: March 05, 2018
44. Later that night by sandy_s - Likes: 24 Comments: 16 Word Count: 3,081 Hit Count: 754 Published: March 08, 2018
Okay, I tweaked and revised and edited this chapter to death. Time to let it go...lol. Hope you enjoy.
45. The morning of the anatomy scan, Part 1 by sandy_s - Likes: 20 Comments: 14 Word Count: 3,064 Hit Count: 688 Published: March 14, 2018
yellowb, OffYourBird, Carrie Ann, and pfeifferpack all have little parts in this one.
46. The morning of the anatomy scan, Part 2 by sandy_s - Likes: 21 Comments: 14 Word Count: 473 Hit Count: 586 Published: March 20, 2018
The shortest chapter but they needed their moment... After all, this story is about Spike and Buffy starting a family.
47. The thirty-third day of lockdown by sandy_s - Likes: 22 Comments: 14 Word Count: 2,213 Hit Count: 613 Published: March 21, 2018
Before the chapter... because this fic is about fertility struggles.
March is endometriosis awareness month, which is what I have: http://natural-fertility-info.com/march-is-endometriosis-awareness-month.html
And the last male northern white rhino passed and the only hope for the survival of the subspecies is IVF and possible surrogacy. Wow! https://newatlas.com/experimental-ivf-white-rhino/53890/ 
48. Later that night by sandy_s - Likes: 22 Comments: 15 Word Count: 1,820 Hit Count: 638 Published: March 26, 2018
49. An unknown amount of time later that night by sandy_s - Likes: 19 Comments: 11 Word Count: 2,582 Hit Count: 598 Published: April 03, 2018
50. The next night in the hospital by sandy_s - Likes: 23 Comments: 14 Word Count: 2,763 Hit Count: 630 Published: April 05, 2018
So, I know I posted a new one day before yesterday, but I couldn't wait to post this one...if you can wade through the first part, you'll see why! 
51. The day I went home from the hospital by sandy_s - Likes: 22 Comments: 10 Word Count: 2,827 Hit Count: 703 Published: April 08, 2018
52. The night we left for Texas by sandy_s - Likes: 24 Comments: 14 Word Count: 2,347 Hit Count: 654 Published: April 12, 2018
53. The twenty-eighth morning in Kilgore by sandy_s - Likes: 20 Comments: 12 Word Count: 2,871 Hit Count: 589 Published: April 23, 2018
54. The night in the Comfort Suites by sandy_s - Likes: 19 Comments: 11 Word Count: 2,423 Hit Count: 652 Published: April 26, 2018
55. The same night by sandy_s - Likes: 19 Comments: 12 Word Count: 3,751 Hit Count: 659 Published: April 29, 2018
56. The morning of the fight with the hitchhikers by sandy_s - Likes: 17 Comments: 12 Word Count: 2,483 Hit Count: 605 Published: May 06, 2018
57. The night on the road home by sandy_s - Likes: 21 Comments: 12 Word Count: 3,835 Hit Count: 603 Published: May 08, 2018
This was such a fun chapter to write...and I couldn't wait to post it! So, in honor of being featured, here it is!
58. Our second night home by sandy_s - Likes: 18 Comments: 11 Word Count: 3,110 Hit Count: 674 Published: May 11, 2018
59. The day Aunt Dawn and I went to the salon by sandy_s - Likes: 19 Comments: 11 Word Count: 2,497 Hit Count: 603 Published: May 17, 2018
60. The night of registration at Babies “R” Us by sandy_s - Likes: 15 Comments: 11 Word Count: 3,311 Hit Count: 579 Published: May 21, 2018
61. The morning I hung out with Crystal, Leah, and Willow by sandy_s - Likes: 19 Comments: 12 Word Count: 2,844 Hit Count: 562 Published: May 26, 2018
62. The evening of breaking and entering by sandy_s - Likes: 21 Comments: 12 Word Count: 3,415 Hit Count: 577 Published: May 31, 2018
63. The evening of the newborn care class by sandy_s - Likes: 17 Comments: 13 Word Count: 2,420 Hit Count: 610 Published: June 08, 2018
64. The night of the baby shower by sandy_s - Likes: 16 Comments: 11 Word Count: 4,879 Hit Count: 604 Published: June 22, 2018
Soooo...with the break up of season 12, I'm totally happy to be immersed in my happy domestic Spuffy fic. What better way to be completely immersed but in a Spuffy baby shower?
65. Another night of no sleep by sandy_s - Likes: 20 Comments: 11 Word Count: 1,912 Hit Count: 721 Published: July 03, 2018
Sorry for the delay in posting. I'm working on another fic that's taken a lot of time. But it's almost finished!
66. The day of labor and the night you were born by sandy_s - Likes: 21 Comments: 12 Word Count: 4,325 Hit Count: 721 Published: July 24, 2018
Just a short little warning that this includes some medical stuff...
And sorry for the delay! I was wrapping up The Vespertine Stars for the fanfic contest; the fic was due by July 23. I'm back to only working on Small Boat.
67. The morning after you were born by sandy_s - Likes: 17 Comments: 9 Word Count: 2,633 Hit Count: 702 Published: July 30, 2018
July 25, 2018 was the 40th birthday of the first IVF baby, who was conceived in Great Britain. https://people.com/human-interest/first-ivf-baby-turns-40-people-magazine-louise-brown-birth-1978/
And another interesting article... https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/25/health/ivf-insurance-parenting-strauss/index.html
68. The night of Auntie Willow and Uncle Oz’s wedding by sandy_s - Likes: 18 Comments: 13 Word Count: 4,051 Hit Count: 779 Published: August 04, 2018
Hope you enjoy...
69. Epilogue 1: Two Years Later by sandy_s - Likes: 20 Comments: 11 Word Count: 2,626 Hit Count: 841 Published: August 08, 2018
One last big issue that I wanted to address was that the feelings regarding IVF and what a person goes through don't end with the birth of a healthy child.
And what do you do with the healthy embryos you don't or can't use?
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/08/20/489232868/after-ivf-some-struggle-with-what-to-do-with-leftover-embryos
70. Epilogue 2: Dear son by sandy_s - Likes: 28 Comments: 22 Word Count: 519 Hit Count: 863 Published: August 12, 2018
I've been procrastinating on posting this last part...
