Did the bad ones had to be the first thing to return? Man, this chapter was so getting good. But I shall endure because I really am curious to see what happens next! And I am curious to know why Buffy got that Tattoo un the first place.. hehehe
Heh, as you've figured out, I never did answer that question. Probably the Bangel fans would like the answer far more than the Spuffy fans. :) Thanks!
Even before the memory return, it was nice to see little bits of "old Buffy" shine through. Punny as ever, "Bring me back a smoothie!" Was a great line, and she was clearly still ready to sacrifice herself for Dawn.
Yesssss. Part of the question was whether personality is innate or learned, and just how Buffy Buffy is without her memories. You can see which way I leaned. And, to me, it has more impact if she readjusts and reaccepts the people she loves all over again, without her memories (sort of the anti - she only loves Spike amnesia story :p). Thank you! :)
"Every time the tide began to turn against them, the monks would activate their self-destruct buttons" I didn't really understand their self-destruct. Why?
Poor Buffy! All her memories are returned at one time! It's understandable that she's shocked, since many of them aren't even good.
Um... I know there was an obvious reason for the self-destruct, but I can't remember right now. Too many other storylines in my head. But I know it had something to do with dying rather than being captured because the super-sacred word is just that sacred.
There aren't many good memories in there to balance out the rest. :( Thanks!
Poor Buffy! Of course all the bad stuff hit first. Girl can't catch a break, can she? Very curious about the hip tattoo, now...
Haha, I will admit that the tattoo never comes up again, because there was no good place to work it in. *I* know the answer, and Buffy and Angel know the answer, but... :D
Yeah having all those bad memories all at once not an easy thing to go through it almost seems better to never remember but then she would aways wonder never be certain always feel part of the outside never fitting in. Tough as what she's going through it was for the best
Yep, I think you're right. Sometimes what seems bad is necessary in the long run. Especially if she ever wants to completely move forward. Thanks!
Sounds a little like Buffy's out of the frying pan into the fire, memory-wise. Memory overload! Bit like after Tabula Rasa but more so since such a long time has elapsed and she'd begun to be accustomed to the new status quo.
I hope she remembers the good parts to temper the bad parts. It's gong to take her a while to process those memories. I hope the others leave her in peace to do so, but somehow, I doubt it. They'll all be too anxious to put forward their own opinions and points of view and ask a trillion questions. Except perhaps for Dawn and Spike.
Yeah, there's a much bigger disconnect than in 'Tablua Rasa'. It's going to be pretty overwhelming. :(
Now we could see some of Buffy's fight and that was good. I liked how her thoughts were written, her worries and how she reacted to the things around her, her feelings about Lindsey. She was ready to sacriface herself to save Dawn even without her memories. In that moment she felt very much like her original self. Another tattoe removal and her memories are back. Then a memory overload, like after "Tabula Rasa". The new memories should also affect her.
Heh, yep, I did figure it would be just like "Tabula Rasa" for her. (Hey, that was probably one of those bad memories that came back first.)
Oh NO...the BAD memories are all back. Poor Buffy! I hope she finds a quiet place where they will leave her alone to process. MAYBE she could tolerate Dawn but I doubt it. She is going to be dealing with more than a bit of PTSD at this rate. Every hurtful thing, every abandonment, betrayal, attack...terrible. Why did everyone assume it would be all puppies and rainbows to get her memories back? Oh boy.
AHA I was right. Lindsey was the blood atonement! Yeah, I'd say he owed her and maybe earned a bit of redemption in the end.
Excellent chapter. Can't wait to see how she copes, how long before she can trust any of them again based on the raw memories she has currently.
She has a LOT of bad memories. :( But hopefully the puppies and rainbows will follow.
You guessed it. :)
Ooh that's pretty much what I imagined would happen to Buffy! - that the memories, the "trauma highlights reel" would come all at once and overwhelm her, not unlike Spike or Angel being overwhelmed at first after being resouled. (I knew mention of "mommy" would be in there.)
And yay more genfic!
Nice job dealing with Buffy's conflicted feelings re: Lindsey. He did a good thing in the end I guess, but she'll never give him that ass-kicking, she'll never get closure, and wil perhaps always wonder could she have done more to "bring him to the side of good"? She was about the only person it seems who saw the possibilities for good in him.
The answer was an immediate and resounding yes. For Dawn – yes.
I was actually a litlte frightened for Dawn here. Nice job linking these monks to the bretheren who created her.
I love how this confirms that Dawn really is the most important person in her life. And despite what she thinks, she IS Buffy Summers, 150%. I also really appreciate that you give Giles and Buffy a "moment", as well as Buffy and Willow; and that Willow and Spike work together to protect Dawn; that Dawn is so defiant and brave in the face of her own possible death but freaks at the prospect of losing her sister - again. AND also that you don't turn Buffy into Spike's damsel as so many fics are wont to do, or have him take over the story. Really really nice balance here and very true to canon. (BTW, parts of this fic also have a definite S10 vibe especially the emphasis on "family")
She'd spent all this time running, feeling like she couldn't belong to these people. But maybe she hadn't needed to. It was a sobering thought.
I'm still going off the notion that everyone was in some way affected by Lindsey's spells - that other people were subtly affected in response to the magic on her as I said in my other review, but I could be dead wrong about it and it doesn't matter. There was a lot of unhealed and unresolved tensions, hiding and evasions that Amnesiac!Buffy found herself at the center of. Love and affection cannot be forced or manufactured and wishing doesn't make it so. (Keeping her manacled and caged on the flight to England is still a pretty vivid image.) Dawn and Spike's careful, gentle treatment turned out to be the wisest course.
I think everyone could have done something a little bit different, everyone has a contribution, but looking backward is really kind of pointless. Because everyone did the best they were capable of doing or what they thought was right in the moment.
Now that Giles is posh enough to spring for shopping trips, surgeons and necrotempered glass, perhaps he can spare a few bucks for his beloved girl (and Dawn) to finally go to a therapist? (Although at the moment I'd settle for words of wisdom and aura-cleansing sessions with Browyn of the Generous Bosom.)
Or at the very least, make good on the silent promise from chapter 2 to "make it up to her". Ice cream should prove helpful.
"I would agree. I suppose Spike could verify…" he added, lips thinning.
Oops. (What, no cleaning of glasses here, Giles? *lol*) BTW, Spike's "I spent hours mapping it out with my tongue, ok?" line is one of the bestest, funniest things about this story. And unlike most stuff in shippy fic that's supposed to be "erotic" - it's actually pretty damn erotic, partly because of his exhasperation.
"Hey! Sham-yam guys!
I knew a Pangs reference would show up here eventually! I'm a little surprised Giles didn't test the return of her memories immediately, but I guess the goal with that part of the ritual was to get the monks to back down? (Of course I'm thinking of Who Are You: "Giles you're checking for Buffy, not a concussion.") One of the things I really enjoy about this story is the myriad of callbacks to the series.
"You know, fawn works really well in a pinch as a substitute for human sacrifice," Willow said. "Have you thought about using a fawn?"
Buffy stared at Willow.
"I'm just saying," the redhead mumbled.
*LMAO* Oh Willow sometimes you shouldn't use words. And also "ouch" because it's super-funny on one level but also isn't when I think about it too hard.
She'd finally come to terms with that loss and begun to build a new life. A good life, with family and friends she could trust.
I read this and thought, but she's also complained of unhappiness to Dawn - and admittedly kind of panickd that she would choose that route. Maybe because it would make her something of a - not a Buffybot, but certain memories would not be dealt with, certain issues left unresolves and there would always be a nagging "what if" on either her or someone else's part. That said, I wouldn't want her to be burdened again with her traumas like that, especially crashing down on her at one go. That probably is something they should have been prepared for. (Maybe Browyn offers volume discounts on meditation sessions?)
Now you've got me thinking serious thinky-thoughts. Buffy's fear is understandable. I certainly have memories I'd rather have taken away from me - but not all of my memories. There are good ones mixed in there too.
"Of course he's got to bring it himself. Got to ride in and save the day, all white knight in shining armor. Got a bit of hero complex, that one,"
*rolls eyes* Just chill, dude, ok? Buffy doesn't need your bitching. Be grateful he's finally actively helping. (Didn't spike bitch about him not doing enough in earlier chapters? I swear something that Spike isn't happy unless he has something to grumble about.)
the butterflies in her stomach morphing into alien babies
Aliens reference FTW! (I love Ripley, btw.)
Heard big things were happening, and figured I should be here.
Now I'm wondering where Faith is. Are he and she no longer item-y?)
and as low as her opinion of Lindsey might currently be, she couldn't believe he'd have violated her that way.
But that was the thing, she (I as a the reader) didn't know for certain: "What did he do to me, Spike?" He certainly violated her in huge ways; physical rape almost seems a minor point compared to the theft of her memories and her entire life. (And also kidnapping/stealing her from her friends if you want to get technical about it.)
Besides. She'd already checked. With a mirror.
HAH! It seems she's not about doing a little "research" on her own after all. Purely scientific of course.
"You got it after you came back from the dead. You'll remember why soon enough," he said, trying to smile and mostly just looking uncomfortable.
NOW I'm really curious! I like the idea that she did that, like a sailor getting a tattoo when they cross the Equator, something to mark the journey but also, somethiing to ground her within her own body, and to reclaim (mark) her own body as her's. (I tried writing a fic about her getting a tattoo immediately post-Chosen and never was able to finish it to my liking.)
"But…" She fought back the panic bubbling up through her body. But I still don't remember.
Nice way to build up the suspense here!
There's definitely no easy box to put Lindsey in, for Buffy or for us. Makes me think of Buffy asking Giles to lie to her, after Ford's betrayal.
Somebody somewhere guessed the monks would be related a few chapters ago. I was disappointed they'd guessed my not-so-big surprise. :) Sham-yam -- that's why that sounded so familiar. I knew it came from somewhere.
Therapist? That's so non-canon in the Buffyver... oops, I guess it is canon now. But maybe there can be ice cream. :)
Heh. I adore that mapping it with my tongue line. Glad you like.
Bronwyn giving discounts. That would be awesome.
Faith's got a Hellmouth to run!
There's no good way to work in the tattoo memory, so... yeah. We never get to know the answer. I know it, Buffy and Angel know it, but... :D
I sort of love how you always seem to pick out my las minute line changes/additions to highlight. Makes me feel ediitng is worthwhile. :)